■父亲们的幽默
The Humor of Dads
STORY 1＜＜＜A Farmer and His Sons
A farmer gathered his sons and demanded, “Which one of you boys pushed the outhouse[20] into the creek?” Nobody stepped forward.“Now, boys,” the farmer asked, “do you remember the story of George Washington who chopped down that tree, but he told the truth, so his father was proud of him.”
Hearing this, the youngest son stepped forward and admitted his guilt, only to receive a lashing[21] from his father.
“But father,” the boy protested, “you told me that George Washington’s father was proud of him when he confessed[22].”
“He was, son,” the farmer replied.“But George Washington’s father wasn’t sitting in the tree when his son chopped it down.”
经典谚语
Fools learn nothing from wise men, but wise men learn much from fools.
愚者不学无术，智者不耻下问。
故事1＜＜＜农夫和他的儿子们
一位农夫把他的孩子们叫到一起，问他们：“刚才是谁把室外的厕所推到河里去的？”没人站出来承认。于是农夫继续问道：“孩子们，你们记不记得乔治·华盛顿总统小时候的那个故事？他把家里的樱桃树砍了，但是，因为他勇于承认，他的爸爸反而赞扬了他。”
听到这里，农夫最小的儿子站了出来，承认是自己干的，结果遭到爸爸一顿鞭打。
“可是，爸爸，”小儿子抱怨道，“你说华盛顿的爸爸为他的勇于认错感到自豪啊。”
“的确是这样，”农夫回答，“但华盛顿砍树的时候，他的爸爸可没坐在树上。”
STORY 2＜＜＜Guns Buried in the Garden
An old man lived alone in Northern Ireland. His only son was in prison. The old man wanted to plant some potatoes in his garden but he didn’t know anyone who would help him plow[23] the garden.
He wrote to his son about it, and received this reply: For heaven’s sake, don’t dig up[24] that garden, that’s where I buried the guns!
At 4 a. m.the next morning, a dozen British soldiers showed up and dug up the entire garden, but didn’t find any guns.
Confused, the man wrote to his son telling him what happened and asking him what to do next.
His son’s reply was: Just plant your potatoes.
STORY 3＜＜＜Violin Lessons
“Daddy, can I learn to play the violin?” young Sarah asked her father. She was always asking for things and her father was not very pleased.
“You cost me a lot of money, Sarah,” he said.“First you wanted to learn horse riding, then dancing, then swimming. Now it’s the violin.”
“I’ll play every day, Daddy,” Sarah said.“I’ll try very hard.”
“All right,” her father said.“This is what I’ll do. I’ll pay for you to have lessons for six weeks. At the end of six weeks you must play something for me. If you play well, you can have more lessons. If you play badly, I will stop the lessons.”
“OK. Daddy,” Sarah said.“That is fair.”
He soon found a good violin teacher and Sarah began her lessons. The teacher was very expensive, but her father kept his promise.
故事2＜＜＜枪埋在花园里
一位老人孤苦伶仃地住在北爱尔兰。他唯一的儿子在监狱里服刑。老人想在自家的花园里种点土豆，但又找不到人帮他犁地。
为此，他便写信给儿子，并收到了儿子这样的回信：千万别挖花园，我在那儿埋了枪。
第二天凌晨4点，一队英国士兵就出现在老人的花园中，还把整个花园都挖了一遍，但是，一支枪也没找到。
老人被弄糊涂了，又写信跟他儿子说了发生的事，并向他接下来该怎么办。
他儿子回信道：现在你可以种你的土豆了。
故事3＜＜＜小提琴课
“爸爸，我能学小提琴吗？”小莎拉问她的父亲。她总是像这样要学这学那，但又半途而废，因此她的父亲并不是很乐意。
“你已经花了我不少钱，莎拉，”他说，“起先是学骑马，后来是学跳舞，之后又学游泳，现在又想学小提琴。”
“我每天都会练习的，爸爸，”莎拉说，“我一定会刻苦学习。”
“那好吧，”她父亲要求道，“我给你付6个星期的小提琴学费，6个星期以后，你得拉给我听。要是拉得好的话，我就继续让你学；要是拉得不好，我就不让你学了，怎么样？”
“好的，爸爸，”莎拉高兴地说，“这很公平呀。”
莎拉的父亲很快就给她找了一位优秀的小提琴老师，让她开始了学
The six weeks passed quickly. The time came for Sarah to play for her father.
She went to the living room and said, “I’m ready to play for you, Daddy.”
“Fine, Sarah,” her father said.“Begin.”
She began to play. She played very badly. She made a terrible noise.
Her father had one of his friends with him, and the friend put his hands over his ears.
When Sarah finished, her father said, “Well done, Sarah. You can have more lessons.”
Sarah ran happily out of the room. Her father’s friend turned to him, “You’ve spent a lot of money, but she still plays very badly,” he said.
“Well, that’s true,” her father said.“But since she started learning the violin I’ve been able to buy five apartments in this building very cheaply. In another six weeks I’ll own the whole building!”
琴课程。虽然这位老师的课程费很贵，但莎拉的父亲还是守信地付了6个星期的钱。
6个星期很快就过去了，到了父亲检验莎拉的成果的时候。
萨拉走进客厅，说道：“我已经准备好演奏了，爸爸。”
“好的，莎拉，”她父亲说，“那开始吧。”
她开始了她的演奏，但演奏得很糟糕，基本上等于是在制造噪音。
她的父亲身旁还坐着一位朋友，他朋友甚至用手捂住了耳朵。
莎拉演奏完毕，她父亲说道：“很好，莎拉，你可以继续学下去。”
莎拉兴高采烈地跑出了房间。父亲的朋友对他说：“你花了这么多钱，可她却学得这么糟糕。”
“是啊，确实是这样，”他父亲回答道，“但自从她学小提琴以来，这栋楼我已经低价买下5户了，再让她学6个星期，我就能买下整栋楼房！”