See Mistakes as Opportunities

Let’s face it: Everyone fails and falls short at times. We’ve all made mistakes, some of which could have been avoided. Yet how often do we add fuel to the fire by becoming our own worst enemies, overly criticizing ourselves for past transgressions? If you’re like many leaders who tend to excel in life and work, you may find yourself being too self-critical of your mistakes or those innate flaws over which you have very little control. As was mentioned earlier, not having at least one failure may indicate you are overly risk-averse and not taking the occasional educated guess that could yield a big reward.

While taking responsibility for your actions and shortcomings is a healthy practice, dwelling on what’s not perfect about you or what you’ve done wrong is ultimately unproductive. It can hold you back as you try to make progress through these lessons, stifle your self-esteem, and keep you stuck in countless other ways.

So instead of lying awake, stewing all night about how you’ve blown something in life or at work, flip that train of thought and develop a more productive, forward-thinking mindset. Practice viewing your mistakes as opportunities to learn and improve. See each mistake as a catalyst for change. Look for the lesson learned, thinking how you can apply any takeaways to transform your life for the better.

For example, it’s not every day that you hear a business leader tell her people, “Congratulations team—we made a big mistake—and everyone needs to celebrate it!” However, that’s exactly what a MAP client said to her staff after a proposal mistake resulted in their losing a major business contract. Instead of getting down in the dumps, this leader pushed everyone to start exploring other opportunities and, specifically, more appropriate avenues for growth. Then, not long after losing that contract, the company learned the market it would have invested in essentially dried up and died. The lost contract ended up being not just a lesson learned in smart prospecting and proposal writing but a blessing in disguise—all of which was certainly worth celebrating.

Of course, cutting yourself some slack is sometimes easier said than done. It takes willingness, self-discipline, and self-control to let go of past transgressions. It also requires the ability to forgive yourself for mistakes and release self-limiting beliefs. You can grow and achieve despite past errors and innate flaws that are simply part of who you are. Knowing this will support you in your job: the responsibility to lead yourself.

Here are some strategies to help implement and strengthen this practice:

Stop replaying the scene. After making a mistake or doing something wrong, we often replay the scene in our minds, fretting over how we could have done things differently. While processing the event is healthy, tormenting yourself over it is not. It creates superfluous stress that can undermine mental and physical health. So always try to notice when the mind’s movie projector starts rolling. Find a positive distraction—quick! Shift your thoughts elsewhere: Go exercise, meditate, deep breathe, call a friend—do something to stop vicious, cyclical thinking. “Confessing” to a confidant or a mentor can also stop this mind trap. If you’ve made a mistake or failed in some way, discussing it with an unbiased confidant or mentor may release guilt, anger, or other detrimental feelings. Not only can sharing your humanity with another make problems easier to bear, but it can also open doors to fresh feedback, insights, solace, and even solutions.

Practice self-forgiveness. Whether you pray, meditate, or do some other activity to deal with mistakes, taking some sort of action is vital for self-forgiveness. Then as pointed out by author, public speaker, and physician Deepak Chopra, “Even if you have no religious faith at all, the key to forgiving yourself remains the same: you must believe that you have been forgiven.” This belief can reinforce your desire and commitment to move on. Privately saying or thinking some mantra that’s as simple as “I am a capable leader” can become a daily practice. It can serve as a useful reminder of what’s right about you in the present, instead of what’s gone wrong in the past. It can also inspire you to work on minimizing innate flaws, which can only be mitigated, not necessarily deleted, from the unique code of characteristics that comprises you.

Don’t be critical of others. People who are hard on themselves are often harsh on others, so watch out for this type of critical tendency. Go a little easy on the people around you. Try to reel in judging thoughts. Think before you speak. Consider how you can be gentler toward others so that your mindset of forgiveness extends beyond you. If what you’re about to say isn’t truly useful or supportive, realize that whatever you are about to say could become your next big mistake.

In Summary: The Disciplined Leader agrees with many famous and tenacious inventors that failures are opportunities wrapped up like gifts for all of us to open. When it comes to truly understanding mistakes that you’ve made in your life, realize how each can be an opportunity for building strength and smarts. Focus on discovering the lesson behind what’s gone wrong.