■茶花女
The Lady of the Camellias
◎Alexandre Dumasfils/亚历山大·小仲马
If you really loved me, you’d let me love you in my own way.
A few moments after this, Nanine came in. She was out of breath. Marguerite stood up, went over and spoke to her softly. When Nanine had gone, Marguerite sat down beside me once more and, taking my hand, said:
“Why did you deceive me? You went to Prudence’s, didn’t you?”
“Who told you?”
“Nanine.”
“And who told her?”
“She followed you.”
“So you told her to follow me?”
“Yes. I thought there must have been a very good reason to make you go up to Paris like that. You’ve not left my side for four months. I was afraid that something awful had happened or that perhaps you were going to see another woman.”
“Silly girl!”
作品导读
如果你真的爱我，就会让我以我的方式去爱你。
过了一会儿，纳妮娜气喘吁吁地进来了。玛格丽特起身走过去和她讲话，声音低柔。纳妮娜走后，玛格丽特又挨着我坐下，握着我的手说：
“你为什么骗我？你去了普鲁登斯家，对吗？”
“谁告诉你的？”
“纳妮娜。”
“那又是谁告诉她的？”
“她跟着你呢。”
“是你让她跟踪我的？”
“是的。你已经整整四个月没有离开我了，我想你去巴黎肯定有什么特殊原因。我担心发生了什么不好的事，或者，也许你是去见另一个女人。”
“傻姑娘！”
“My mind’s easy now. I know what you did, but I still don’t know what you were told.”
I showed Marguerite my father’s letters.
“That’s not what I asked. What I’d like to know is why you called on Prudence.”
“To see her.”
“You’re lying, my dear.”
“All right then. I went to ask her if the horse was better, and if she’d finished with your shawl and your jewels.”
Marguerite flushed, but said nothing.
“And,” I continued, “I found out to what use you’d put the horses, shawls and diamonds.”
“And you’re angry with me?”
“I’m angry with you for not thinking of asking me for whatever you needed.”
“In affairs like ours, as long as the woman has something of her self-respect left, she must shoulder any number of sacrifices herself rather than ask her lover for money and in so doing taint[11] her love with mercenary[12] motives. You love me, I know you do, but you have no idea just how weak are the ties that bind the love men have for girls like me. Who knows? Perhaps one day, when you were short of money or feeling annoyed, you’d have come round to thinking that our affair was a carefully worked-out plot! Prudence talks too much. I didn’t need those horses! I’ve saved myself money by selling them: I can manage without, and now I don’t have to spend anything on them. As long as you love me, that’s all I ask. And you can love me just as much “我现在安心多了。我知道你刚才去做什么了，但还是不知道别人跟你说了什么。”
我把父亲的信拿给玛格丽特看。
“我要问的不是这个。我想知道的是你为什么去普鲁登斯家。”
“只是去看看她。”
“亲爱的，你在撒谎。”
“好吧。我是去问问你的马好些了没，你的披巾和首饰她还用不用。”
玛格丽特的脸一下子红了，但她没说什么。
“而且，”我继续说，“我终于发现你用马、披巾和砖石做了什么。”
“你生我的气了吗？”
“我生气的是，无论你需要什么，你都没想过要问问我。”
“像我们这样的关系，只要我们女人还有自尊，她就要承受任何牺牲，而绝不向她的爱人要钱；如果她这么做了，那她贪婪的目的便会亵渎这份爱情。我知道你爱我，但你不知道你给我的爱，对于像我这样的女孩来说有多么脆弱。谁知道呢？也许有一天，你也缺钱或者你厌倦了，你就会觉得我们的关系是一场精心设计的阴谋！普鲁登斯说的太多了。我根本不需要那些马！卖掉它们宽裕多了：没有马我也过得很好，而且现在我不用再花钱饲养它们。只要你爱我，我就没有什么好问的。即便
without horses and shawls and diamonds.”
She said all this in so natural a tone of voice that there were tears in my eyes as I listened.
“But, my sweet Marguerite,” I answered, lovingly pressing my mistress’s hands in mine, “you must have known that some day I’d find out about your sacrifice, and that the day I did find out, I’d never have allowed it.”
“And why not?”
“Because, dearest girl, I do not intend that the affection you truly feel for me should leave you the poorer by even a single piece of jewelry. Like you, I don’t ever want you to think, when things are hard or you’re feeling angry, that such bad times would never have happened if you’d lived with somebody else. Nor can I stand the thought that you should ever regret living with me, even for a moment. A few days from now, your horses, your diamonds and your shawls will be returned to you. You need them as much as life needs air. It may be ridiculous, but I’d rather have you lavish than frugal.”
“Which is to say you don’t love me any more.”
“Don’t be silly!”
“If you really loved me, you’d let me love you in my own way. But you persist in thinking of me as though I’m some girl who can’t live without all this luxury, someone you still think you have to pay. You are ashamed to accept proof that I love you. In your heart, you’re thinking of leaving me some day, and you’re being very careful to put your scruples[13] beyond suspicion. You’re quite right, my dear, but I had expected better.”
And Marguerite stirred, as though she were about to get up. I held her back a moment, saying:
“I want you to be happy. I don’t want there to be anything that you can
没有马，没有披巾，也没有砖石，你也可以一样爱我。”
她说这些的时候神情自若，但我听着听着，泪水便湿了眼眶。
“但是，我亲爱的玛格丽特，”我深情地拉过她的手，说：“你一定清楚，总有一天我会知晓你的牺牲，等到那时我怎能受得了。”
“为什么受不了？”
“因为，亲爱的孩子，我不愿让你因为爱我而变得拮据，哪怕只是损失一件珠宝。我也不愿当生活困难或者你厌烦的时候，你会想到若是和别人一起生活就不会发生这些。同样，我也不能容忍因为和我在一起而让你感到后悔，哪怕只是一瞬间。几天以后，你的马、你的砖石和披巾都会回到你身边。你需要它们，就像生命需要空气一样，必不可缺。也许这很可笑，但我宁愿你生活奢侈，而不是艰苦朴素。”
“也就是说，你不再爱我了。”
“别犯傻！”
“如果你真的爱我，就会让我以我的方式去爱你。否则，你就还是认为我是那种一贯奢侈的女孩，你就得在我身上花大钱。接受我对你的表白会让你感到羞耻。在你心里，你始终觉得有一天你会抛弃我，所以，你小心翼翼，怕被怀疑。你是对的，亲爱的。但是，我原本期望的不是这些。”
玛格丽特动了动，似乎想起身。我拉住她，说道：
“我希望你快乐。我不愿意你以后会因为任何事来埋怨我。这就是
reproach me for. That’s all.”
“Even so, we shall go our separate ways!”
“Why, Marguerite? Who can separate us?” I exclaimed.
“You. You won’t take me into your confidence by saying exactly where you stand, and you’re vain enough to want to keep me in my place. You want to keep me in the luxury to which I was accustomed, but you also want to maintain the moral distance between us. You’re the one. You don’t consider that my feelings are sufficiently disinterested to want to share what money you have with me so that we could live happily together. No, you’d sooner ruin yourself. A slave to a stupid prejudice, that’s what you are. Do you really think I compare a carriage and bits of jewelry with your love? Do you imagine I think happiness consists of those empty pleasures which people make do with when they’ve got nothing to love, but which seem so unimportant when they have? You’ll pay my debts, you’ll sign away all you have and you’ll be my keeper! And how long will that last? Two or three months—and then it’ll be too late to start the life I’m offering you, for then you’d be kept by me, and that’s something which no self-respecting man could accept. Whereas at the moment, you’ve got eight or ten thousand francs a year on which we can manage. I’ll sell everything I don’t need, and by investing the proceeds I’d have a steady two thousand a year. We’ll rent a nice little apartment and live there together. In summer, we’ll come down to the country, not to a house like this, but to something smaller, just big enough for two. You’ve no ties, I’m free, and we’re young. For heaven’s sake, Armand, don’t make me go back to the life I had to lead once!”
I could not answer. My eyes brimmed over with tears of gratitude and love, and I threw myself into Marguerite’s arms.
我的想法。”
“这样，我们就要分开了。”
“为什么，玛格丽特？谁会分开我们？”我大声问她。
“你。你不愿让我了解你内心的想法，你以你的立场说这些，但我不会只站在我的立场上考虑。你想让我习惯奢侈的生活来保持我们思想上的距离。就是你，你不相信我对你的爱是无私的，不相信我愿意和你一同分享。有了你这笔钱，我们本可以过得很幸福；但是，你却宁愿先败尽家产。这就是你深存的可笑偏见。你真的认为我会把马车、珠宝和你的爱相比吗？你以为我会追求这些虚无的物质上的快乐吗？也许人会在没有爱的时候享受物质快乐，但一旦有了爱，那些就都一文不值。你要花掉你的所有来偿还我的债务，要养着我！但这能维持多久呢？两个月？三个月？那时候再按我的计划来规划我们的生活已经晚了，你得依赖我去生活，任何有自尊的男人都无法接受。现在，你每年都有八千到一万法郎的收入，我们可以好好生活。我会卖掉所有不必需的东西，用这些钱去投资，每年我都能有两千法郎的固定收入。我们就可以租一间精致漂亮的小公寓，一起生活。夏天的时候，我们就回到乡下来，租一个更小的房子，不是现在这样，而是只够我们俩住就够了。你没有羁绊，我也无忧无虑，我们都还年轻。看在上帝的份上，阿尔芒，不要再让我过从前那种无奈的生活！”
我无言以对。感激与爱的泪水模糊了我的视野，我扑进玛格丽特的怀里。