■学习爱的艺术
Educating Yourself About the Art of Loving
◎Paul Mauchline/保罗·莫克林
Katherine Anne Porter wrote, “Love must be learned, and learned again and again; there is no end to it.” Katherine Anne is right: there is no end to it. Each day, we need to love ourselves. Each day, we need to demonstrate our love for our partner and family, and for all those we encounter. So how do we get to the point where we are able to show our love for others and ourselves every day? I feel that the answer lies in how we view love. In his book published in 1956, The Art of Loving, Erich Fromm describes love as an art that requires effort, knowledge and practice. To view love as an art is to imagine that the capacity for love is a seed that lies within each of us, and that growing that seed is solely our own responsibility.
The practice of any art requires knowledge. By virtue of[23] the fact you are reading this article, I assume you are seeking knowledge about the art of loving. Many of us today are reading books by authors like John Gray,
名人语库
～Stuart
——斯图亚特
凯瑟琳·安·波特写道：“爱需要学习，学习，再学习，永无止境。”凯瑟琳·安说得没错，对爱的学习是没有止境的。每天我们都需要爱自己，爱我们的伴侣和家人，还有那些偶遇的人。那么，我们该如何表达对自己和他人的爱呢？我认为，答案取决于我们如何看待爱。埃利希·弗洛姆在1956年出版的《爱的艺术》中，把爱描述成一件需要努力、知识和练习的艺术。把爱视为艺术，就好比把爱当成一枚种子，种在我们每个人的心间，我们需要对它负责，让它茁壮成长。
练习任何一门艺术都需要知识。当你在读这篇文章时，我猜你正在寻找和爱的艺术相关的知识。如今，有很多人会阅读像约翰·格雷、芭芭拉·安吉丽思、约翰·布拉德肖、托马斯·摩尔还有其他类似作家的书。
Barbara De Angelis, John Bradshaw, Thomas Moore, and countless others. The reason we are reading is quite simple: we are seeking more knowledge about love and relationships. It’s very apparent, from the number of seminars, tapes, videos, and books available, that there is need for this type of knowledge.
Have you attended a seminar or read a book on relationships in the last year? Whether you have, or have not, is not important right now. What is important is that you recognize that knowledge is the first step. Take responsibility for your own education. Participating in a seminar or workshop, reading a book, and even reading this article is a gesture of loving yourself. Just do not forget that knowledge acquisition is a continuous process; it does not stop after one or two seminars, or after reading a few books. It takes effort on your part to gain the knowledge you need. Instead of just sitting watching television, you are reading this article right now, but it does not mean the effort has to end once you finish reading what I have to say here. You just may feel inspired, with new ideas on life, love, and relationships. It’s up to you to put in the effort to incorporate these ideas into your life ... and to keep them alive. It’s not going to be easy—it’s going to require hard work and effort. You cannot change life-long habits overnight, after reading one article. Somehow, with the pace of life and the conveniences we now have, we have come to expect things to happen instantly. Improving our relationships and ourselves is about changing old habits, some of which we have had since childhood. These changes do not occur instantly, but require continuous effort over time.
What exactly does “effort” mean, when it comes to loving? In my opinion, effort is time and action. When you get up tomorrow morning, take the time to ask yourself: How can I be more loving to myself today? How can I give more love to my partner? What action can I take to give love today?
这些书热门的原因很简单，我们渴望更多关于爱和情感的知识。从相关的研讨会、磁带、视频和书籍的数量中可以很明显看出，这类知识受到人们的热捧。
去年，你有参加过类似的情感研讨会或是阅读相关的书籍吗？不论有或没有，现在已经无关紧要了。重要的是，你要认识到相关的知识是学习爱的艺术的第一步。从现在起，重视自己的学习，参加一个研讨会或讲习班，阅读一些书籍，甚至是阅读这篇文章，这都是你爱自己的表现。但不要忘记，学习是一个长期的过程，不要只是参加了一两个研讨会，或是读了几本书后就停止学习。想要学习这门艺术，你需要付出很多的努力。你没有坐在电视机前，而是在看这篇文章，这很好，但这并不意味着读完这篇文章后就万事大吉了。你也许会灵光一闪，想到很多有关人生、爱和感情的新想法。但能否将这些想法融入你的生活，并让它们持续焕发光彩，就要看你自己了。这并不容易，你需要花很多的时间和精力。你不可能在读完这篇文章后，一晚上就改变了你日积月累下养成的习惯。飞快的生活节奏以及现今我们身边的各种便利，让我们总是希望事情一下子就能做好。想改善情感和我们自身，就要改变一些老旧的习惯，有些习惯还是我们从小就养成的。改变习惯不会一蹴而就，而是要长时间不间断地努力。
当爱和努力联系在一起时，努力到底意味着什么？我认为，努力就是时间和行动。你明天早上起床时，问问自己：我今天能更爱自己一点吗？能更爱自己的伴侣吗？我该怎样表达爱？想出一些新颖的方式来向你自己和他人献上爱吧。让你的想法慢慢在头脑里成形，并把它付诸实
Use your imagination to come up with creative ways of showing love for yourself and others. Take the time to follow through with your thoughts and put them into action. I am not talking about lavish gifts or tropical holidays; it’s the little continuous gestures of love that count. Having a bubble bath, making yourself a special dinner, taking a mental health day from work, sleeping in, taking a drive in the country, spending time at a hobby, curling up with a good book, or even reading material like this or attending a workshop or seminar are gestures of loving yourself. You can give love to your partner in many little ways, too: A telephone call during the day to say, “Hi, how are you? I was thinking about you...”, bringing home a single flower or a little gift, going for an evening walk together, giving spontaneous[24] hugs, holding hands, giving a back rub, showering together, reading aloud to one another, or leaving a little love note on the bathroom mirror ... the list goes on and on. All it takes is imagination. The possibilities are endless.
We will never know everything. That is the beauty of life, and, more importantly, that is the beauty of love—for they are really both one in the same. Remember it all starts with you. Take the time to expand your knowledge of love, and practice the art of loving, always, to create the loving life you deserve.
际。我不会用奢侈的礼物和热带旅游来表达爱，这种爱的表达方式不会长久。爱自己的方法有很多，比如泡泡澡，为自己准备一个特别的晚餐，让自己的精神休息一天，睡个懒觉，在乡边骑自行车，花点时间在自己的兴趣爱好上，读一本好书，甚至是看这篇文章，或是参加讲习班或研讨会。你也可以在很多小事上向你的伴侣表达爱：给他（她）打通电话，关心一下：“你好吗，我很想你……”带一支花或一份小礼物回家，晚上一起出去散步，给一个自然的拥抱，紧紧握住对方的手，给对方做背部按摩，一起淋浴，把一本书的内容大声读给对方听，或是在浴室的镜子上留下爱的留言……还有很多很多。你需要想象去做这些事情，要相信，任何奇迹都会发生。
我们难以知晓下一秒会发生什么。这就是生命之美，这更是爱之美，因为它们本来就如出一辙。要知道，一切都因你而改变。花时间去增长你对爱的见解，练习爱的艺术，去塑造你值得拥有的充满爱的人生吧！