每个成功者都知道的秘密 Secrets Every Achiever Knows

佚名/Anonymous

In October 1982, a 25-year-old woman finished the New York City Marathon. No big deal—until you learn that Linda Down has cerebral palsy and was the first woman ever to complete the 26.2-mile race on crutches. Down fell half a dozen times, but kept going until she crossed the finish line, 11 hours after she started. Her handicap limited her speed but not her determination.

Henry Wadsworth Longfellow once wrote: "Great is the art of beginning, but greater the art is of ending." How nice it would be if we all had a genie who could help us finish what we begin. Unfortunately, we don't. But what we do have is a dynamic called discipline—which extracts a high price. Following one of Paderewski's performances, a fan said to him, "I'd give my life to play like that." The brilliant pianist replied, "I did."

Accomplishment is often deceptive because we don't see the pain and perseverance that produced it. So we may credit the achiever with brains, brawn or lucky breaks, and let ourselves off the hook because we fall short in all three. Not that we could all be concert pianists just by exercising enough discipline. Rather, each of us has the makings of success in some endeavor, but we will achieve this only if we apply our wills and work at it.

How can we acquire stick-at-itiveness? There is no simple, fast formula. But I have developed a way of thinking that has rescued my own vacillating will more than once. Here are the basic elements:

"Don't" power

This is as important as willpower. The ancient Chinese philosopher Mencius said, "Men must be decided on what they will not do, and then they are able to act with vigor in what they ought to do."

Discipline means choices

Every time you say yes to a goal or objective, you say not many more. Every prize has its price. The prize is the yes; the price is the no. Igor Gorin, the noted Ukrainian-American baritone, told of his early days studying voice. He loved to smoke a pipe, but one day his professor said, "Igor, you will have to make up your mind whether you are going to be a great singer, or a great pipe-smoker, you cannot be both." So the pipe went.

Delayed gratification

M. Scott Peck, M.D., author of the best-seller The Road Less Traveled, describes this tool of discipline as "a process of scheduling the pain and pleasure of life in such a way as to enhance the pleasure by meeting and experiencing the pain first and getting it over with."

This might involve routine daily decisions—something as simple as skipping a favorite late-night TV show and getting to bed early, to be wide awake for a meeting the next morning. Or it might involve longer-term resolves. A young widow with three children decided to invest her insurance settlement in a college education for herself. She considered the realities of a tight budget and little free time, but these seemed small sacrifices in return for the doors that a degree would open. Today she is a highly paid financial consultant.

The secret of such commitment is getting past the drudgery and seeing the delight. "The fact is that many worthwhile endeavors aren't fun," says syndicated radio and TV commentator Mort Crim, "True, all work and no play makes Johnny a dull boy. But trying to turn everything we do into play makes for terrible frustrations, because life—even the most rewarding one—includes circumstances that aren't fun at all. I like my job as a journalist. It's personally satisfying, bit it isn't always fun."

Achieving a balance

Never confuse discipline with rigidity. Perfection is not the aim; rather, strive for the peace of mind that comes from being in charge of yourself.

Most of us need interludes in our work to take a walk or eat snack—whatever revives and refreshes. Your breathers don't need to be lengthy to shake out the cobwebs and give some relief. Such rewards act as incentives for finishing a task, as well as helping you to maintain momentum.

True discipline achieves a balance of producing, not driving. Even discipline needs to be disciplined.

Self-development

Disciplined people are happier people because they are fulfilling inner potential. A woman at one of my seminars told me about her six- year-old daughter who swam with a team and practiced every morning for an hour, swimming 2000 to 3000 meters, she related a conversation her daughter had with a family friend.

"Do you like swimming?" the friend asked.

"Yes, I love it."

"Is it fun?”

"No!”

That six-year-old had learned what many adults never experience: the joy of discipline and self-development. Unfortunately, the very word discipline puts us off because it sounds restrictive and punitive—like a truant officer stalking us to make sure we toe the line. True discipline isn't on your back needling you with imperatives; it is at your side, nudging you with incentives. When you understand that discipline is self-caring, not self-castigating, you won't cringe at its mention, but will cultivate it.

Charley Boswell, a former University of Alabama football star with hopes of a professional baseball career, lost his eyesight in World War II, but that didn't stop him "to become the National Blind Golf Champion 17 times." He was quoted as saying, "I never count what I've lost. I only count what I have left." That is self-development—that is discipline.

Habit-changing strategies

Many a person's downfall comes in trying to change a bad habit by focusing on an undesirable behavior to replace it.

Countless people tell me they would like to eat better but don't want to "give up" tasty food. Rather than thinking about what they can't have, they should think about what they can eat. Fruit juice with sparkling mineral water is a delicious substitute for high-calorie soft drinks; snacks and cookies prepared with whole grains and fried fruits give candy bars good competition.

It isn't easy to change old habits. An overweight woman came to me during a seminar and said, "I'm so undisciplined. I can't stick to a diet and my house is always a mess. I feel like a slob." I told her she wasn't totally undisciplined. "You made it to this conference. You arrive promptly at each session, and you are neatly dressed." She almost smiled, and then I added, "There's probably a reason why you haven't been able to lose weight or get your home in order."

Later, I found out there was a big reason. She was widowed a year before. Her husband had been an alcoholic who verbally abused her all 24 years of their marriage. It never occurred to her that a poor self-image was keeping her from effecting positive changes. With this realization, she took the next step in bringing more discipline to her life—by going for counseling. Meanwhile, some of her friends offered to come to her house and help her clean up, putting her even more solidly on a habit-changing course.

Mind over matter

I remember my school days and Mom's regular reveille: "Time to get up!" I agonized in bed until the last minute and ran my mother's patience short. Then I went away to college and had to get myself up. Finally, tired of waging war with waking, I decided that when the alarm rang, I would rise—just because I wanted to, regardless of how I felt. It has worked ever since.

In Feeling Good, The New Mood Therapy David D. Burns, M.D., writes: "Motivation does not come first, action does! You have to prime the pump. If you wait until you're 'in the mood,'you may wait forever." When you don't feel like doing something, you tend to put it off, but it's often after we get involved in a task that we become highly motivated.

Discipline is habit-forming. A little leads to more, because the benefits prove increasingly desirable. When you finally overcome inertia, you will feel better all around. We are at our best —physically and mentally—when we are disciplined.

1982年10月，在纽约城举行的马拉松赛中，一位25岁的女子跑完了全程。你可能觉得这没什么大不了的，如果你知道琳达·唐的情况，就不会这么认为了。琳达·唐患有脑瘫，她是第一位依靠拐杖完成26.2英里赛跑的女人。唐摔倒了很多次，但她毅然坚持跑下去，终于在比赛开始11个小时后到达终点。她身体的残疾影响了速度，但丝毫没有削弱她的决心。

亨利·沃德兹华斯·朗费罗曾说：“开始是伟大的艺术，而更为伟大的是结束。”如果人人都有一个能帮助自己达到目标的神，那该多好啊！遗憾的是，没有这样的神。我们所拥有的内在动力，就叫做自律，而这种自律需要我们付出巨大的代价。潘得瑞·伍斯基的一场演出结束后，一位狂热崇拜者对他说：“我要想弹这么好，需要弹一辈子。”这位才华横溢的钢琴家回答道：“我正是这么做的。”

成就往往带有欺骗性，因为它背后的痛苦和坚忍，我们往往看不到。所以，我们常常把成就归结于头脑聪明、身体好或运气佳。别再自寻烦恼了，这三个方面我们都无法达到，我们自身某些努力的背后就有着成功的潜质，连续不断的练习并不能使我们成为钢琴家。只有坚定的意志，全身心地付出，才能达到目的。

如何做到坚韧不拔呢？没有简单速成的办法。我总结出了一种让我多次从困境中解脱出来的思维模式，以下是其基本要点：

“不”的力量

它和意志力同等重要。中国古代思想家孟子说过：“人必须有所取舍，这样他们才能集中精力做好该做的事。”

自律意味着选择

确定一个目标，就等于放弃了追求其他目标。任何成功都要付出代价。成功就是我们锁定的目标，而其中伴随的代价并非我们所追求的。著名的乌克兰美籍男中音歌唱家埃戈·格里，讲述了他早期学歌的经历。他喜欢吸烟，一天，教授对他说：“埃戈，你是想成为一名伟大的歌唱家还是一个烟鬼，你得择其一，不能两个都选。”从那以后，他不再吸烟了。

迟到的喜悦

畅销书《捷径》的作者斯考特·派克是这样形容他的自律方法的：“这是一个合理安排苦乐时序的过程。这一过程使我们由苦到甜，从而让幸福升级。”

这也许囊括了平日生活中的大小决定，譬如放弃喜爱的晚间电视节目，早早上床休息，以便有清醒的头脑和饱满的精神参加第二天的会议。即使这样的小决定，或许也要坚持不懈。一个带着三个孩子的年轻寡妇决定让自己接受大学教育。她知道自己经济困窘，又没有多余时间，但她认为，这些牺牲与学历所带来的机会相比微不足道。如今，她已是拥有高薪的财务顾问了。

做到如此全身心投入的秘诀，是从繁重乏味中看到希望。“事实上，很多有价值的努力毫无乐趣可言”，辛迪加广播电台和电视评论员默特·克莱姆说，“的确，只工作而不休息会让人变成傻子。但想让每项工作都充满乐趣，只会遭遇更为惊骇的磨难，因为生活——即使是最具价值的一面——也有枯燥乏味的时候。我热爱自己的记者工作，虽然这工作并不总是充满乐趣，但我知足了。”

保持平衡

不要把自律和千篇一律混为一谈。完美并非我们追求的目标；掌控自己，从而保持平和的心态才是目的。

每个人都需要休息，工作之余，外出散散步或吃点儿东西。无论是哪种，只要能使我们精力充沛，恢复活力就行，但休息时间不要过长。这种劳逸结合的方式能让人精神焕发，也能更好地激励人们做好自己的工作。

要真正做到自律，就需要在自我调控上下工夫，而不是一味地拼命盲行。要知道，自律本身也需要管理。

自我发展

自律的人会更快乐，因为他们内心的潜在需求得到了满足。在我的一个研讨会上，一位女士告诉我，她6岁的女儿参加了一支游泳队，每天早上练习1小时，游2000～3000米。她还说起了她女儿和家里一个朋友的对话。

“你喜欢游泳吗？”那个朋友问。

“当然，我很喜欢。”

“游泳好玩吗？”

“不好玩！”

一个6岁大的孩子已经领悟到了大人们未曾体味到的东西，即自律和自我发展的乐趣。遗憾的是，自律一词往往令人生畏，听起来给人一种受限制和惩罚的感觉——就像一个不称职的长官偷偷溜到我们身旁，审查遵纪守法的状况。真正的自律不是困扰在心头的、势在必行之事，它就在你身旁，时刻催你奋进。你一旦明白，自律不是自虐，而是关爱自己，那么，你便会着力培养它，而不会退避三舍。

查尔斯·波斯威尔曾是阿拉巴马大学的一位足球明星，他想成为一名职业棒球运动员，但在“二战”期间双目失明了，但这并未阻止他“17次成为全国盲人高尔夫球赛的冠军”。他曾说：“我从不计较失去的东西，我只在乎现在拥有的。”这就是自我发展，即自律。

改变习惯策略

很多人之所以失败，是因为他们总想用自己都厌烦的行为来替代坏习惯。

不止一个人这样跟我讲，他们想吃健康食品，但又不愿放弃可口的垃圾食品。他们应该考虑自己能吃什么，而不是不能吃什么。果汁加矿泉水是高热量软饮料的极好替代品，全麦和炸水果等点心丝毫不比糖果逊色。

改掉老习惯并非易事。研讨会上，一个很胖的女人走过来对我说：“我缺乏自律，控制不了饮食，房间总是乱七八糟，感觉自己就像邋遢的懒汉。”我告诉她，她并非毫无自律性。“你参加了这次会议，每个阶段都及时到场，况且你还衣着整洁呢。”她笑了，我接着补充道：“你减肥不成功或没把房间整理好，或许有其他原因吧。”

之后，我发现她果真有难言之隐。她一年前就成了寡妇。丈夫是一个酒鬼，结婚24年里，他经常辱骂她。她从未想过，一个糟糕的自我形象让她不能积极有效地改变现状。意识到这一点，她就开始寻求专业意见，采取措施给生活注入一些自律成分。同时，她的一些朋友也提出去她家帮忙清理屋子，这让她更坚定了改掉坏习惯的决心。

集中注意力解决关键问题

记得上学时，妈妈每天都喊：“起床了！”我在被子里痛苦地挣扎到最后一刻，把妈妈也惹恼了。后来，我离家上大学，就得自己起床了。最后，我厌倦了和起床做斗争，决定闹钟一响就爬起来——仅仅是我想这么做，并没考虑自己的感受。这种方法很奏效，从那以后，我正常起床了。

《感觉良好，新心理疗法》的作者大卫·伯恩斯在这本书中写道：“先有行动，后有动机。你得先给水泵注水，让它启动起来。如果想等到有心情时再做，那不知要等到什么时候。”不想做某事时，你可能会先把它放一放，但我们往往会在投身于做这件事后才会劲头十足。

自律是习惯的形成过程。它的益处很多，自律行为由少及多，久而久之，便形成了习惯。一旦彻底克服了旧习性，你就会感觉更好。自律时——无论是身体上，还是精神上——我们都处于最佳状态。

成功绝不是偶然，它需要有良好的品质与习惯的积累。学会拥有这些好品质，你就会走上通往成功的大路。

marathon ['mærəθən] n.马拉松；耐力的考验；耐力比赛；马拉松赛跑

Success is a marathon, not a sprint.

成功是场马拉松，不是短跑比赛。

crutch [krʌtʃ] n.拐杖；支柱；帮助

When he broke his leg he had to walk on crutches.

他摔断腿后，只好拄着拐杖走路。

gratification [ˌgrætifi'keiʃən] n.满足；喜悦

This is one of the few gratifications of an otherwise boring job.

这是枯燥的工作中少有的一项乐趣。

momentum [mə'mentəm] n.动力；要素

Last season the team has a strong determination and forward momentum, these help us win the last championship.

上个赛季球队有很强的决心和前进的动力，这些帮助我们赢得了最后的冠军。

她身体的残疾影响了速度，但丝毫没有削弱她的决心。

开始是伟大的艺术，而更为伟大的是结束。

我从不计较失去的东西，我只在乎现在拥有的。

This is as important as willpower.

as important as：与……一样重要

Rather than thinking about what they can't have, they should think about what they can eat.

rather than：不是……而是；宁愿……