Chapter2 用爱拥抱世界 Embrace the World with Love
友谊之树常青 How to Heal a Friendship
佚名/Anonymous
Jessica and Joyce were best friends in junior grade three. They did almost everything together. Then one day, after a misunderstanding, Joyce stopped talking to Jessica. For more than three months, Joyce refused to talk to Jessica or answer her notes.“During that time, I found out what an important friend she was,”Jessica says,“I couldn’t even concentrate when I was studying, l just thought about how to mend our friendship.”
The next semester, Jessica tried again. This time, Joyce was willing to work it out. It took some time and effort, but the friendship was healed.
Most of us have suffered the pain of broken friendships. But the good news is that most friendships can be mended.
Oxford professor Michael Argyle recently finished a 15-year study that explored what makes people happy. What did he find? The key to happiness is having one close relationship and a network of friends. Other studies show that our social connections make us healthier and more resilient to stress. Maintaining long-lasting, healthy friendship is worth the effort!
If there’s a broken friendship you’d like to mend, try the following advice.
Give your friend the benefit of the doubt.
It’s easy to assume the worst. But if a friend has hurt you, he may not even realize he’s done so.
Matt, an American doctoral student, remembers two friendships broken by hurtful words. Both relationships were later healed.
“It’s probably true that if someone hurts you, they should have known better,”Matt says,“but the fact is we are all human and we mess things up. You need to give people the benefit of the doubt because you will need that, as well.”
Take the initiative to communicate with your friend.
If you’ve been hurt, your instinct is probably to pull away and protect yourself. But if you do this, the friendship will likely die.
“You need to reach out,”says 20-year-old Jamie, who has restored several broken friendships,“Friendships get broken when trust is lost. Both friends need to reach out and demonstrate they are trustworthy.”
Be the first to apologize.
Even if you were hurt, apologize for anything you did wrong. Give up your right to be proven right. Otherwise the conflict won’t be forgotten, as it should be.
Walk through the conflict together.
Start by trying to see things from your friend’s point of view. Talk about the problems openly but kindly. At first, Jessica didn’t understand why Joyce stopped talking to her. Then Joyce finally explained that Jessica’s teasing bothered her.“I finally found out she was angry because I teased her in front of the boys in our class.”Jessica explained. Jessica meant nothing by her teasing and thought it shouldn’t bother Joyce. But when she accepted that it was embarrassing to Joyce, she stopped. Then their friendship could heal.
Nicole and Michelle had been best friends since preschool. But in college, Michelle suddenly pulled away.“We didn’t talk to each other for a while, then tried to reconcile,”Nicole says,“But we’re just polite acquaintances now.”
It’s normal for friendships to change. Often two friends just drift apart. Problems come when one friend tries to hang on while the other friend lets go.
If your friend isn’t willing to work things out, accept it and move on. But if you are able to reconcile, you’ll have a friendship that’s tried-and-true!
初三时，杰西卡和乔依丝是最好的朋友，两人形影不离。有一天，两人闹矛盾，乔依丝不再和杰西卡说话了。三个多月来，乔依丝都不和杰西卡说话，也不回她的纸条。“那个时候，我才发现，她对我多么重要，”杰西卡说，“我甚至无法集中精神学习，一心想着如何修复我们的友谊。”
第二个学期，杰西卡再次努力尝试。这次，乔依丝也愿意澄清误会。经过一段时间的努力，友谊终于恢复了。
很多人都经受过友谊破裂所带来的痛苦，可喜的是，大部分友谊都能修复如初。
最近，牛津大学教授麦克·阿尔盖尔完成了一项长达15年的探索人类快乐缘由的研究。这项研究的发现是什么呢？快乐的关键在于拥有一个知己和一群朋友。另一项研究表明，社会关系能让我们活得更加健康，承受更大的压力。因此，维持一份健康长久的友谊是值得我们付出努力的！
如果你想要修复一份破裂的友谊，可以尝试下面的建议。
未经证实之前，假设你的朋友是无辜的。
我们很容易作最坏的打算。如果朋友伤害了你，他可能并没有意识到自己对你的伤害。
美国一个博士生麦特先生，回想起了两段因言语尖锐而导致的友谊破裂。不过，不久后，两份友谊都得到了修复。
“如果有人伤害了你，或许让他们知道这个情况会更好些，”麦特说，“事实上，我们都是普通人，通常会把事情搞砸。你必须给予别人充分的信任，因为你也会同样需要这份信任。”
主动和你的朋友沟通。
一旦受到伤害，你本能的反应可能就是马上离开以保护自己，如果这样做的话，你们的友谊可能就随之结束了。
“你要主动和朋友沟通，”20岁的雅美说，她曾经挽救了多份破裂的友谊，“彼此一旦失去信任，友谊也就破碎了。朋友之间都要主动伸出手来，要证明自己是值得对方信赖的。”
主动向对方表示歉意。
即便是你受到伤害，也应该为自己做的错事道歉。不要去证明自己是对的，否则，原有的矛盾就无法解决。
共同坦然面对误会。
试着站在朋友的立场来看问题，敞开心扉，和和气气地讨论问题。刚开始，杰西卡不明白乔依丝为什么不和自己说话，后来，乔依丝终于解释说，杰西卡的嘲弄让她很烦闷。“我终于发现，她生气是因为我在班上男生面前取笑了她。”杰西卡解释道。她以为自己的逗弄没什么，不会伤害到乔依丝。但是，当她知道这样做令乔依丝很难堪后，就不再这样，她们也就和好如初了。
妮可儿和米雪从幼儿园开始就是好朋友了。到了大学，两人的关系有了微妙变化，米雪开始和妮可儿保持距离了。“很长一段时间彼此没有说话了，之后，我试着和解，”妮可儿说，“但是，我们现在好像成了客套的熟人了。”
友谊会起变化是很正常的事，两个朋友往往会慢慢疏远。当其中一人试图维系，而另一个打算放弃的时候，友谊就出现问题了。
如果你的朋友不愿意重归于好，那就接受这个事实，继续自己的生活吧。但是，如果你有能力修复，那么，你就会拥有这样一份友谊——牢固而又真挚。
心灵小语
有一些伤害往往是来自无心。既然对方是重要的朋友，那么不妨坦率地告诉他，你被伤害了。隐忍和决然而去对友谊的维持并无帮助。
misunderstanding n.误解；误会；不和；争执
例 Her poor Frence often lead to misunderstanding.
她的法语很差劲儿，时常引起误会。
concentrate v.集中；使……集中于一点；聚集
例 A driver should concentrate on the road when driving.
开车时，驾驶员的注意力要集中在马路上。
relationship n.关系；联系；亲戚关系
例 The teacher has a very good relationship with her students.
这位老师和她的学生关系很好。
trustworthy adj.值得信任的；可信赖的；可靠的
例 He was esteemed trustworthy.
他被认为是可靠的。
很多人都经受过友谊破裂所带来的痛苦，可喜的是，大部分友谊都能修复如初。
译___________________________________________________________________
快乐的关键在于拥有一个知己和一群朋友。
译___________________________________________________________________
试着站在朋友的立场来看问题，敞开心扉，和和气气地讨论问题。
译___________________________________________________________________
Joyce refused to talk to Jessica or answer her notes.
refuse to：拒绝
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At first, Jessica didn’t understand why Joyce stopped talking to her.
at first：最初；首先；开始的时候
造___________________________________________________________________