学生译作讲评Analysis of Students’Translation Practice

原文链接：http：//www.fmprc.gov.cn/chn/gxh/tyb///zyxw/t1191912.htm

新闻原文：习近平强调，中国坚持走和平发展道路，奉行亲、诚、惠、容的周边外交理念，与周边国家以心相交、以诚取信，睦邻友好、共同发展。中斯两国是相互信任、相互依靠的朋友和伙伴。两国关系经受住时间和国际风云变幻考验，是大小国家友好相处、互利合作的典范。我们坚定支持斯里兰卡维护独立、主权、领土完整，支持斯里兰卡人民选择适合本国国情的发展道路。

学生译文：Xi Jinping stressed China would stick to the path of peaceful development, uphold the concept of neighborhood diplomacy of“amity, sincerity, mutual benefit and inclusiveness”，and communicate and win trust through sincerity with neighboring countries so as to develop good neighborly and friendly relations and promote common development.China and Sri Lanka are friends and partners of mutual trust and interdependence.The bilateral relations, having withstood the test of time and the changing international situation, have become a model of friendly coexistence and mutually beneficial cooperation among all countries, big or small.We firmly support Sri Lanka’s efforts to safeguard its independence, sovereignty and territorial integrity and the Sri Lankan people’s choice of development path conforming to its national conditions.

翻译评析：学生按照时态配合的原则，在宾语从句中采用了would stick的表达。但是“中国坚持走和平发展道路”的方针并不因为时间的推移而改变，其时态不应受到主句动词stressed时态的影响，这一点在政治文本中尤为重要。紧接着的“以心相交、以诚取信，睦邻友好、共同发展”看似完全并列，实则前两条表示行为，后两条表示目的或结果，学生准确地把握住了这一逻辑关系，在中间添加了so as to。问题出在前两条，汉语的四字并列结构非常具有迷惑性，似乎是完全对仗的，但仔细分析就会发现，“相交”是双向互动的，英语中后面搭配的介词应该是with，而“取信”是单向的，后面搭配的介词应该是from。译文中的win trust与with短语显然是无法搭配的，可将with短语提前，译文调整为communicate with neighboring countries and win trust through sincerity。倒数第二句的“大小国家”学生理解有误，按照现在的译文among all countries, big or small，其意为“中国与斯里兰卡之间的关系成了世界各国关系的典范，无论国家大小”，这显然不是原文的本意。原文是说大国与小国之间的相处之道可以借鉴中斯关系，译文可以调整为between large and small countries.

新闻原文：习近平强调，当前，中国人民正在努力实现中华民族伟大复兴的中国梦，斯里兰卡提出了国家振兴发展的“马欣达愿景”，双方奋斗目标相互契合。中方愿同斯方一道，抓住机遇，规划合作，推动中斯战略合作伙伴关系走实走深，更好惠及两国人民。双方要保持高层互访，为两国关系发挥引领作用。[43]

学生译文：Xi Jinping stressed that currently the Chinese people are striving to realize the“Chinese Dream”of achieving the great rejuvenation of the Chinese nation, Sri Lanka puts forward the“Mahinda Vision”of national rejuvenation and development, and their objectives are integrated with each other.China is willing to work with Sri Lanka to seize the opportunity, plan the cooperation, and promote the development of the China-Sri Lanka strategic cooperative partnership to be practical and deepened, so as to better benefit the two peoples.Both sides should maintain the high-level exchanges and make it play a leading role in the bilateral relations.

翻译评析：第一句话中有一个时态问题。斯里兰卡提出“马欣达愿景”是已经发生的事情，谓语动词应改为has put forward。“双方奋斗目标相互契合”中的“契合”并不是“融合”，而且their一词也欠妥当，写新闻稿的人应该也是“中国人民”的一员才对。该句译文可调整为and the objectives of the two sides correspond with each other。“走实走深”不能翻译为promote……to be practical and deepened，那样给读者的暗示是以前并不practical，此处应调整为promote the China-Sri Lanka strategic cooperative partnership for solid and in-depth development。最后的“互访”在语义理解上有偏差，应译为mutual visits。

新闻原文：中方愿以建设21世纪海上丝绸之路为契机，同斯方加强在港口建设运营、临港工业园开发建设、海洋经济、海上安全等领域合作，探讨并确定先行先试项目，实现早期收获。希望双方加快推进自由贸易谈判，争取早日建成中斯自由贸易区。

学生译文：China is willing to take the construction of the 21st Century Maritime Silk Road as an opportunity to strengthen cooperation with Sri Lanka in such fields as the port construction and operation, the development and construction of industrial parks near the ports, maritime economy, and maritime security, as well as discuss and decide development-first and pilot-first projects so as to achieve early results.He hoped that both sides will accelerate the free trade talks and strive to get the early completion of the China-Sri Lanka free trade zone.

翻译评析：最后一句“希望”的主语没有明确提出，但此段话整体跟在“习近平强调”的内容后面，所以暗含主语应该是“习近平”。按照外交部的惯例，若汉语原文中引用了领导人以第一人称所作的讲话，英译时遵循的原则是：对于中方领导人用I，不做人称转述，对于外方领导人则用he或she。所以此处的正确译文应该是I hope that……。结尾处的get the early completion不够正式，可以调整为complete the construction of……at an early date。

新闻原文：中方鼓励更多中国企业积极参与斯里兰卡工业园、经济特区、基础设施项目建设，欢迎斯方作为创始成员国参与亚洲基础设施投资银行。双方要拓展旅游、文化、教育、宗教等领域交流合作，支持在斯里兰卡开展汉语教学。中方愿同斯方继续加强在联合国等多边框架内沟通协调，共同促进地区和平与发展。

学生译文：China encourages more Chinese enterprises to actively participate in the construction of industrial parks, special economic zones and infrastructure projects of Sri Lanka.China welcomes Sri Lanka to join the Asian Infrastructure Investment Bank as a founding member.The two sides should expand exchanges and cooperation in fields such as tourism, culture, education and religion.China supports to carry out Chinese teaching in Sri Lanka.China is willing to continue to enhance communication and coordination with Sri Lanka within the multilateral framework including the UN so as to jointly promote regional peace and development.

翻译评析：译文倒数第二句存在语法错误，英语中没有support to do的用法，另外，carry out Chinese teaching会有歧义，因为宗教中的教义常常使用teachings一词。该句可调整为China is in support of carrying out the teaching of Chinese in Sri Lanka.下一句中的“框架”framework为可数名词，应加上s并去掉前面的the。“联合国”最好先写出全称the United Nations，再将简写UN标注在括号内才符合正式文体的要求。因此，最后一句中的相关部分可调整为within multilateral frameworks such as the United Nations（UN）。

新闻原文：拉贾帕克萨表示，斯中友好源远流长，两国关系在相互尊重、相互信任的基础上不断向前发展。斯方感谢中方长期给予的宝贵支持，中国的援助使斯里兰卡人民实实在在受益。斯方高度赞赏中方奉行和平共处五项原则和睦邻友好方针，愿意在此基础上同中方不断发展战略合作伙伴关系，将继续在涉及中国核心利益和重大关切问题上坚定支持中方。

学生译文：Mahinda Rajapaksa said that Sri Lanka and China enjoy a time-honored friendship, and the bilateral relations have developed constantly on the basis of mutual respect and mutual trust.Sri Lanka appreciates China’s long-term and precious support, which has given Sri Lankan people tangible benefits.Sri Lanka highly appreciates China’s adherence to the Five Principles of Peaceful Coexistence and good-neighborliness policy, based on which Sri Lanka is willing to continually develop the strategic cooperative partnership with China, and will firmly support China on issues concerning China’s core interests and major concerns.

翻译评析：最后一句中的“睦邻友好”在译文中，漏掉了“友好”的概念，应当补充friendship，与good-neighborliness通过and并列，将原译文中的and调整为as well as，以使逻辑关系更为清楚，调整后的译文为appreciates China’s adherence to the Five Principles of Peaceful Coexistence as well as the good-neighborliness and friendship policy。

新闻原文：习近平主席提出建设21世纪海上丝绸之路的倡议与斯方打造印度洋海上航运中心的设想不谋而合，斯方愿意同中方共同建设和经营好汉班托塔港和科伦坡港口城等重点合作项目，加速双边自由贸易谈判，加强经贸、能源、农业、基础设施建设、卫生医疗等领域合作。

学生译文：President Xi Jinping’s initiative of building the 21st Century Maritime Silk Road coincides with Sri Lanka’s assumption of building offshore shipping center in the Indian Ocean.Sri Lanka is ready to work together with China in the construction and operation of major cooperation projects such as the Hambantota Port and the Colombo Port City, accelerate bilateral free trade negotiations, and strengthen cooperation in fields including economy and trade, energy, agriculture, infrastructure construction, and health care.

翻译评析：“设想”译为assumption并不准确。“设想”在这里是指“斯里兰卡打造海上航运中心的计划和愿景”，应采用vision一词。下一句的结构出了问题，原文中的“与中方共同”应当是统领整个句子的，“加速谈判”“加强经贸等领域合作”也都是由双方共同努力的，可是译文中却成了work together与accelerate及strengthen并列，出现了逻辑上的错误。将译文句子的起首部分修改为Sri Lanka is willing to work with China to jointly well construct and operate such major cooperation projects，使得动词不定式to well construct and operate与后文并列即可。