DEVELOPING CONCRETE COMMUNICATION SKILLS

Several basic communication skills and techniques are crucial for effective communication. These are skills that can be practiced and improved, and even small improvements in fine tuning these skills will pay big dividends.

Sending “I” Messages

Sending “I” messages, such as “I believe there is a key issue on the Richards project that we need to discuss,” is a standard communication tool. This tool is effective because the speaker clearly is taking responsibility for his or her view and at the same time is giving the other person the opportunity to consider whether or not he or she shares that view.

Taking responsibility is a great way to identify and clarify individual points in a discussion. If there is a downside to excessive use of “I” messages, it is the possibility that you may come across as overly self-referencing or egocentric in the discussion, and others may feel that you are not promoting team interaction.

Listening Actively

Active listening allows you to give the other person the message that you are hearing what he or she is saying (without necessarily agreeing with the point). An active listening comment may be, “Carl, I hear that you strongly believe that the project is not going to be done on time unless you get two additional engineers on the project.” This response lets Carl know that you have heard his message, which is crucial to effective communication, but does not commit you to agreeing with his point.

Active listening is an effective tool to use when the other person has very strong feelings about something and needs to “get it off his or her chest” before continuing with the conversation. Active listening keeps the communication moving, allows your partner to be heard and understood, and buys you some time if you feel uncertain about how you want to respond to the issues being discussed. If over-used, however, active listening can have the negative effect of making you appear wishy-washy, patronizing, or perhaps unable to make a decision.

Asking Open-Ended Questions

Open-ended questions allow the answering party the chance to expand on a point without feeling forced to respond in the framework of a yes or no answer. Open-ended questions work well in situations where answers are not so clear-cut to warrant a yes or no answer. For example, assume that you are interested in finding out how a certain team member is handling a key aspect of the project. An open-ended question such as “Phil, would you please lead me through a description of what you’ve done recently on the project?” will elicit this type of information.

This question offers Phil latitude for responding, which will likely reduce his defensiveness and allow him to speak with a degree of comfort, because he is setting the direction. As the questioner, this style of questioning allows you to sit back and listen for responses to your key areas of interest.

If Phil fails to address one of your areas of interest, you can use a follow-up question such as, “Sounds good, but can you please tell me a little more about how you are covering the administrative details?” Open-ended questions help create an “expansive” tone in the conversation, encouraging your partner to volunteer more information.

What is the risk of using open-ended questions? The risk is coming across as indirect and unfocused, possibly having a hidden agenda or a concern that is not verbalized. To the more concrete individual, open-ended questions may seem nebulous.

Tracking the Message

All of us have had the frustrating experience of suddenly realizing that we are talking with someone about four different subjects at once and have no idea how we got off the topic.

This often occurs when both parties are not tracking the content or purpose of the discussion, and one or both members are inserting new topics into the discussion. This insertion of a new topic can occur for a number of reasons, including a failure to listen to the other party’s key message, a strong emotional reaction by one of the parties, or a tendency to avoid closure on one subject before moving on to a new one.

An example of a tracking statement is: “Bob, I think we are going off topic. Let’s back up to the point where you were mentioning the cost for the software package. I think that’s the point where I started to lose you.”

Reframing the Point

At times, discussions reach a point where communication is faltering or negative tones have infiltrated the exchange between people. Unless some change takes place, the discussion is headed for failure.

In these situations, a valuable communication tool is “reframing.” Just as the picture framer puts a new frame around an existing painting and changes the tone of the painting, you can put a new “frame” around the failing discussion and create a new sense of optimism or achievement.

For example, let’s assume that the team has been talking for 45 minutes about the lack of engineers needed to complete the software project on time and within budget. The tone in the room is one of frustration, with some sense of hopelessness and resignation. Reframing this discussion would be to put a different spin on the conversation, to see the issues from a different perspective—one that offers more optimism. A reframing comment at this point of the discussion could be something like: “Let’s face it. If the discussion keeps going in this direction, we are not going to get anything done. What if we look at this situation as an opportunity to build a bridge between the engineering group in the other division and our group? We’ve said for a long time that a bridge like that would be good for us to have.”

Reframing the issue, which can be done by any person in the conversation, involves creative thinking and a willingness to take a chance by offering a new perspective. When offering a reframing comment, be prepared for some people to remain stuck in the negative and to resist these creative alternatives. Be persistent. You may need to state the same reframing message in different ways before you achieve success.