第6章 我的家庭(4)

Since my duties with my pupils did not take up all my time，I organized a small class for the children of the village who could not be educated under the Russian government.In this the oldest daughter of the house aided me.We taught the little children and the girls who wished to come how to read and write，and we put in circulation Polish books which were appreciated，too，by the parents.Even this innocent work presented danger，as all initiative of this kind was forbidden by the government and might bring imprisonment or deportation to Siberia.

My evenings I generally devoted to study.I had heard that a few women had succeeded in following certain courses in Petrograd or in foreign countries，and I was determined to prepare myself by preliminary work to follow their example.

I had not yet decided what path I would choose.I was as much interested in literature and sociology as in science.However，during these years of isolated work，trying little by little to find my real preferences，I finally turned towards mathematics and physics，and resolutely undertook a serious preparation for future work.This work I proposed doing in Paris，and I hoped to save enough money to be able to live and work in that city for some time.

My solitary study was beset with difficulties.The scientific education I had received at the lyceum was very incomplete；it was well under the bachelorship program of a French lyceum；I tried to add to it in my own way，with the help of books picked up at random.This method could not be greatly productive，yet it was not without results.I acquired the habit of independent work，and learned a few things which were to be of use later on.

因为在农庄的工作没有占用我所有的时间，所以在教课之余我便把村子里许多因为被俄国人统治而没法求学的儿童，以及那些想要加入我们学习读写的女孩子编成一个班，用波兰语的课本教他们读书写字。在这个过程中，主人家的大女儿就成了我的助手。孩子们的父母对我非常感激，但是说实话，我需要承担一定的风险：虽然我的这种义务教学有利无弊，但却是政府所禁止的，因为它被认为不利于社会稳定，所以，一旦被察觉，我就很有可能被捕入狱或是被流放到西伯利亚。

晚上的空余时间，我一般都用来学习。我曾经听说过彼得格勒或者其他国家的女性在某些领域取得成功的事迹，于是我决定以她们为榜样开始努力，争取取得和她们同样的成绩。

当时我并没有决定选择什么方向进行发展。开始我对文学和社会学有着很浓厚的兴趣，但是通过长达三年的学习，我却逐渐发现自己真正喜欢的还是数学与物理，因此也就一步一步地朝着这个方向发展，并暗下决心日后要到巴黎求学，并为此认真地做了学习上的准备。并且我还计划着积攒点钱，用来负担自己今后在巴黎的学习与生活。

自学的过程中充满了困难。我在中学时期所学的东西非常不完整，与法国的中学相比是有很大差距的。为了将差距缩小，我便通过自己选择的一些书籍来自学。这种方法虽然不很理想，却也收到了一些成效。我不但学到了一些对日后有所裨益的知识，还养成了独立思考的习惯。

I had to modify my plans for the future when my eldest sister decided to go to Paris to study medicine.We had promised each other mutual aid，but our means did not permit of our leaving together.So I kept my position for three and a half years，and，having finished my work with my pupils，I returned to Warsaw，where a position，similar to the one I had left，was awaiting me.

I kept this new place for only a year and then went back to my father，who had retired some time before and was living alone.Together we passed an excellent year，he occupying himself with some literary work，while I increased our funds by giving private lessons.Meantime I continued my efforts to educate myself.This was no easy task under the Russian government of Warsaw；yet I found more opportunities than in the country.To my great joy，I was able，for the first time in my life，to find access to a laboratory：a small municipal physical laboratory directed by one of my cousins.I found little time to work there，except in the evenings and on Sundays，and was generally left to myself.I tried out various experiments described in treatises on physics and chemistry，and the results were sometimes unexpected.At times I would be encouraged by a little unhoped-for success，at others I would be in the deepest despair because of accidents and failures resulting from my inexperience.But on the whole，though I was taught that the way of progress is neither swift nor easy，this first trial confirmed in me the taste for experimental research in the fields of physics and chemistry.

在我大姐决定到巴黎学医时，我被迫更改了自己的学习计划。因为我家的经济状况不允许我们俩同时赴巴黎留学，所以我们两个许诺互相帮助，先后完成学业。这样，我便一直待在这位农庄主家，直到三年半后把我三个学生的课程教完。然后，我回到华沙，那儿有一个类似的工作在等着我。

这个新的工作我干了一年。然后，我就回到已经退休并且独自生活的父亲身边，与他共同度过了一年的美好时光。在这一年中，他写了一些作品，我则通过做家教获得一些酬劳用以补贴家用。与此同时，我仍旧抓紧时间自学。在俄国人统治下的华沙，想要实现自己的梦想并不容易，但比起在农村时，成功的概率则更大一些。最使我兴奋的是，我生平第一次可以进入一间实验室去做实验：这是属于市政府的一个小实验室，我的一个堂哥是这个实验室的主任。除去晚上和星期天，我没有时间进实验室做实验，而且通常都是我自己在做。按照课本上所讲的方法，我做了各种各样的物理与化学实验，经常会获得一些预料之外的结果。这时候，我会因为这些成功而兴奋，并且大受鼓舞；不过有的时候，我也会由于缺乏经验导致失败而感到非常沮丧。这些经历使我更加懂得，成功的道路非常坎坷。不过，这也让我更加坚信，我的天性的确适合对物理与化学进行研究。

Other means of instruction came to me through my being one of an enthusiastic group of young men and women of Warsaw，who united in a common desire to study，and whose activities were at the same time social and patriotic.It was one of those groups of Polish youths who believed that the hope of their country lay in a great effort to develop the intellectual and moral strength of the nation，and that such an effort would lead to a better national situation.The nearest purpose was to work at one's own instruction and to provide means of instruction for workmen and peasants.In accordance with this program we agreed among ourselves to give evening courses，each one teaching what he knew best.There is no need to say that this was a secret organization，which made everything extremely difficult.There were in our group very devoted young people who，as I still believe today，could do truly useful work.

I have a bright remembrance of the sympathetic intellectual and social companionship which I enjoyed at that time.Truly the means of action were poor and the results obtained could not be considerable；yet I still believe that the ideas which inspired us then are the only way to real social progress.You cannot hope to build a better world without improving the individuals.To that end each of us must work for his own improvement，and at the same time share a general responsibility for all humanity，our particular duty being to aid those to whom we think we can be most useful.