第38章

"I think," replied Edward, "that I may defy many months to produce any good to me."This desponding turn of mind, though it could not be communicated to Mrs.Dashwood, gave additional pain to them all in the parting, which shortly took place, and left an uncomfortable impression on Elinor's feelings especially, which required some trouble and time to subdue.But as it was her determination to subdue it, and to prevent herself from appearing to suffer more than what all her family suffered on his going away, she did not adopt the method so judiciously employed by Marianne, on a similar occasion, to augment and fix her sorrow, by seeking silence, solitude and idleness.Their means were as different as their objects, and equally suited to the advancement of each.

Elinor sat down to her drawing-table as soon as he was out of the house, busily employed herself the whole day, neither sought nor avoided the mention of his name, appeared to interest herself almost as much as ever in the general concerns of the family, and if, by this conduct, she did not lessen her own grief, it was at least prevented from unnecessary increase, and her mother and sisters were spared much solicitude on her account.

Such behaviour as this, so exactly the reverse of her own, appeared no more meritorious to Marianne, than her own had seemed faulty to her.The business of self-command she settled very easily;--with strong affections it was impossible, with calm ones it could have no merit.That her sister's affections WERE calm, she dared not deny, though she blushed to acknowledge it;and of the strength of her own, she gave a very striking proof, by still loving and respecting that sister, in spite of this mortifying conviction.

Without shutting herself up from her family, or leaving the house in determined solitude to avoid them, or lying awake the whole night to indulge meditation, Elinor found every day afforded her leisure enough to think of Edward, and of Edward's behaviour, in every possible variety which the different state of her spirits at different times could produce,--with tenderness, pity, approbation, censure, and doubt.There were moments in abundance, when, if not by the absence of her mother and sisters, at least by the nature of their employments, conversation was forbidden among them, and every effect of solitude was produced.Her mind was inevitably at liberty; her thoughts could not be chained elsewhere;and the past and the future, on a subject so interesting, must be before her, must force her attention, and engross her memory, her reflection, and her fancy.

From a reverie of this kind, as she sat at her drawing-table, she was roused one morning, soon after Edward's leaving them, by the arrival of company.

She happened to be quite alone.The closing of the little gate, at the entrance of the green court in front of the house, drew her eyes to the window, and she saw a large party walking up to the door.Amongst them were Sir John and Lady Middleton and Mrs.Jennings, but there were two others, a gentleman and lady, who were quite unknown to her.She was sitting near the window, and as soon as Sir John perceived her, he left the rest of the party to the ceremony of knocking at the door, and stepping across the turf, obliged her to open the casement to speak to him, though the space was so short between the door and the window, as to make it hardly possible to speak at one without being heard at the other.

"Well," said he, "we have brought you some strangers.

How do you like them?"

"Hush! they will hear you."

"Never mind if they do.It is only the Palmers.

Charlotte is very pretty, I can tell you.You may see her if you look this way."As Elinor was certain of seeing her in a couple of minutes, without taking that liberty, she begged to be excused.

"Where is Marianne? Has she run away because we are come? I see her instrument is open.""She is walking, I believe."

They were now joined by Mrs.Jennings, who had not patience enough to wait till the door was opened before she told HER story.She came hallooing to the window, "How do you do, my dear? How does Mrs.Dashwood do?

And where are your sisters? What! all alone! you will be glad of a little company to sit with you.

I have brought my other son and daughter to see you.

Only think of their coming so suddenly! I thought I heard a carriage last night, while we were drinking our tea, but it never entered my head that it could be them.

I thought of nothing but whether it might not be Colonel Brandon come back again; so I said to Sir John, I do think I hear a carriage; perhaps it is Colonel Brandon come back again"--Elinor was obliged to turn from her, in the middle of her story, to receive the rest of the party; Lady Middleton introduced the two strangers; Mrs.Dashwood and Margaret came down stairs at the same time, and they all sat down to look at one another, while Mrs.Jennings continued her story as she walked through the passage into the parlour, attended by Sir John.

Mrs.Palmer was several years younger than Lady Middleton, and totally unlike her in every respect.