第15章 PART THE FIRST(11)

Often am I received like a poor pilgrim,and meanly entertained,and speedily driven out.I come even to My beloved,and fondly take up My abode with her,but this takes place so secretly that it is totally hidden from all men,except those only who live in entire seclusion,and perceive My ways,who are ever careful to correspond to My graces.For in virtue of My divinity,I am a perfectly pure essential spirit,and am spiritually received into pure spirits.

The Servant.--Gentle Lord,methinks Thou art altogether a hidden lover,therefore I desire Thou wouldst give me some signs of Thy true presence.

Eternal Wisdom.--In nothing canst thou discern My presence so well as in this,namely,when I hide and withdraw Myself from the soul,as not till then art thou capable of perceiving who I am or what thou art.I am the Eternal Good,without which no one has any good.When I,the Eternal Good,pour Myself out so graciously and lovingly,everything into which I enter is made good.By this goodness My presence is to be known even as is the sun by his brightness,who,in his substance,is yet not to be seen.If ever thou art sensible of Me,enter into thyself and learn to separate the roses from the thorns,and to choose out the flowers from the grass.

The Servant.--Lord,truly I seek and find in myself a great inequality.

When my soul is deserted,she is like a sick person who can relish nothing;

who is disgusted with everything;the body is languid,the spirits are dull;

dryness within,and sadness without;all that I see and hear is then repugnant to me,and I know not how good it is,for I have lost all discrimination.I am then inclined to sin,weak in resisting my enemies,cold and lukewarm in all that is good;he who visits me finds an empty house,for the master,who gives wise counsel and makes all the family glad at heart,is not within.But,Lord,when in the midst of my soul the bright morning star rises,all my sorrow passes away,all my darkness is scattered,and laughing cheerfulness appears.Lord,then leaps my heart,then are my spirits gay,then rejoices my soul,then is it my marriage feast,while all that is in me or about me is turned to Thy praise.What before was hard,troublesome,and impossible,becomes easy and pleasant;fasting,watching,praying,self-denial,and every sort of rigour,are made sweet by Thy presence.Then do I acquire great assurance in many things,which,in my dereliction I had lost;my soul is then overflowed with clearness,truth,and sweetness,so that she forgets all her toil;my heart can sweetly meditate,my tongue loftily discourse,and whoever seeks high counsel from me touching his heart's desire finds it;for then I am as though I had overstepped the bounds of time and space,and stood in the ante-chamber of eternal salvation.Alas,Lord!who will grant that it might only be of longer duration,for behold,in a moment it is snatched away,and I am again stripped and forsaken.Sometimes I pursue it as if I had never gained it,till at last,after much sorrow and trouble of heart,it comes back.Lord!

art Thou this thing,or am I it,or what is it?

Eternal Wisdom.--Thou art and hast of thyself nothing but imperfection;

I am it,and this is the game of love.

The Servant.--But,Lord,what is the game of love?

Eternal Wisdom.--All the time that love is with love,love does not know how dear love is;but when love separates from love,then only does love feel how dear love was.

The Servant.--Lord!this is a dreary game.Alas,Lord!is inconstancy never cast aside in any one while time lasts?

Eternal Wisdom.--In very few persons,for constancy belongs to eternity.

The Servant.--Lord,who are these persons?

Eternal Wisdom.--The very purest of all,and in eternity the most like to God.

The Servant.--Lord,which are they?

Eternal Wisdom.--They are those persons who have denied themselves in the most perfect manner.

The Servant.--Gentle Lord,teach me how,in my imperfection,I ought to behave in this manner.

Eternal Wisdom.--In good days thou oughtest to look at evil days,and in evil days not to forget good days;thus can neither elation injure thee in My company nor despondency in dereliction.If,in thy faintheartedness,thou canst not endure My absence with pleasure,wait for Me at least with patience,and seek Me diligently.

The Servant.--O Lord,long waiting is painful.

Eternal Wisdom.--He who will needs have love in time,must know how to bear weal and woe.It is not enough to devote to Me only a portion of the day.He who would enjoy God's intimacy,who would hear His mysterious words,and mark their secret meaning,ought always to keep within doors.Alas!how is it that thou always permittest thy eyes to wander so thoughtlessly around,when thou hast standing before thee the Blessed and Eternal Image of the Godhead which never for a moment turns away from thee?Why dost thou let thy ears escape from thee when I address thee so many a sweet word?How is it that thou so readily forgettest thyself when thou art so perfectly encompassed with the eternal good?What is it thy soul seeks in exterior things who carries within herself so secretly the kingdom of heaven?

The Servant.--What is the kingdom of heaven,O Lord,which is in the soul?

Eternal Wisdom.--It is righteousness,and peace,and joy in the Holy Ghost.

The Servant.--Lord,I understand from this discourse,that Thou hast much hidden intercourse with the soul,which is wholly hidden from her,and that Thou dost secretly attract the soul,and dost leisurely initiate her into the love and knowledge of Thy high divinity,her who at first was only concerned with Thy fair humanity.

CHAPTER X.The Third Thing.

--Why God Permits His Friends To Suffer So Much Temporal Suffering The Servant.--Another thing,Lord,I have at my heart:may I venture to tell it Thee?May I indeed venture to dispute with Thee like holy Jeremias?