第114章 Van Berg's Conclusions.(2)

Moreover the kindness and respect which he now proposed to show Ida were caused more by compunction and fear than by any warmer and friendlier motive.He wished to make amends for his injustice,to reassure the girl,to smooth over matters and extricate himself from his fateful office of critic.This experimenting with human souls for artistic purposes was a much more serious matter than he could have imagined.He had entered upon it as a part of his summer recreation,but had found himself playing with forces that had well-nigh destroyed him as well as the subject of his fancied skill.Hereafter he proposed to illumine faces with thought,feeling,and spiritual beauty on canvas only,so that,in case he should become discouraged or disgusted with his efforts and throw the work aside,there might be no such tragic protest as Ida Mayhew had almost offered.While he pitied,and now in a certain sense respected her,she filled him with the uncomfortable dread and nervous apprehension which rash and unbalanced natures always inspire.The charge he had given Stanton revealed his opinion.

She was one who must be watched over,not with the tender care and sympathy that he hoped to bestow on Jennie Burton,but with kind,yet firm and wary vigilance,in order to prevent action dangerous both to herself and others;and a heavy,anxious task he believed such care would be.

His aim was not to heal the wounds he had made by a decided manifestation of kindness and respect which should be as sincere as possible in view of his knowledge of her faults;and if her present good impulses were anything more than passing moods,to encourage them,as far as he could,and then retire from the scene as soon as circumstances permitted.He had been too thoroughly frightened to wish to continue in the role of a spiritual reformer,and he had a growing perception that,with his present motive and knowledge,the work was infinitely beyond him.He began to fear that he was like certain physicians,whose skill consists chiefly in their power to aggravate disease rather than to cure it.He had found Ida a vain,silly girl,apparently.He had parted the previous evening from a desperate woman,capable of self-destruction,and her letter inseparably linked him with the marvellous change.

Thus he gained the uneasy impression that there was too much nitro-glycerine in human nature in general,and in Ida Mayhew in particular,for him to use such material in working out metaphysical and artistic problems.

At the end of his long morning walk he concluded:

"Poor child!after her eyes were opened she could not help seeing a great deal that was exceedingly depressing.In regard to her parents,she is far worse off than if orphaned.In regard to herself,she finds that her best years are gone,and she has neither culture of mind nor heart--that her beauty is but a mask that cannot long conceal the enduring imperfection and deformity of her character.

She associates these discoveries with me because I first disturbed her vanity;but the beauty of Jennie Burton's life,the dastardly behavior of Sibley,and the deep humiliation received through him,with other circumstances,have all combined to bring about the revelation.And yet,confound it all!I did act the stupid Pharisee on several occasions,and I might as well own it both to her and myself.A Pharisee is a fool 'per se.'Well,I'm sorry to say,her outlook for life is dark at best,even if she were not so fearfully rash and unbalanced.As it is I expect to hear some sad story of Ida Mayhew before many years pass.I'll try to brighten a few days for her,however,before I go to town,and then the farther we can drift apart the better.How delightful,in contrast,is the sense of rest and security that Jennie Burton always inspires in spite of her sad mystery."