第25章 IV(4)

First, however, I had graduated--clad in a brand- n ew black silk gown, and with five dollars in my pocket, which I kept there during the graduation exercises. I felt a special satisfaction in the pos- s ession of that money, for, notwithstanding the handicap of being a woman, I was said to be the only member of my class who had worked during the entire course, graduated free from debt, and had a new outfit as well as a few dollars in cash.

I graduated without any special honors. Pos- s ibly I might have won some if I had made the effort, but my graduation year, as I have just explained, had been very difficult. As it was, I was merely a good average student, feeling my isolation as the only woman in my class, but certainly not spurring on my men associates by the display of any brilliant gifts. Naturally, I missed a great deal of class fellowship and class support, and throughout my entire course I rarely entered my class-room with- o ut the abysmal conviction that I was not really wanted there. But some of the men were good- h umoredly cordial, and several of them are among my friends to-day. Between myself and my family there still existed the breach I had created when I began to preach. With the exception of Mary and James, my people openly regarded me, during my theological course, as a dweller in outer darkness, and even my mother's love was clouded by what she felt to be my deliberate and persistent flouting of her wishes.

Toward the end of my university experience, how- e ver, an incident occurred which apparently changed my mother's viewpoint. She was now living with my sister Mary, in Big Rapids, Michigan, and, on the occasion of one of my rare and brief visits to them I was invited to preach in the local church.

Here, for the first time, my mother heard me.

Dutifully escorted by one of my brothers, she at- t ended church that morning in a state of shivering nervousness. I do not know what she expected me to do or say, but toward the end of the sermon it became clear that I had not justified her fears.

The look of intense apprehension left her eyes, her features relaxed into placidity, and later in the day she paid me the highest compliment I had yet re- c eived from a member of my family.

``I liked the sermon very much,'' she peacefully told my brother. ``Anna didn't say anything about hell, or about anything else!''

When we laughed at this handsome tribute, she hastened to qualify it.

``What I mean,'' she explained, ``is that Anna didn't say anything objectionable in the pulpit!''

And with this recognition I was content.

Between the death of my friend and my departure for Europe I buried myself in the work of the uni- v ersity and of my little church; and as if in answer to the call of my need, Mary E. Livermore, who had given me the first professional encouragement I h ad ever received, re-entered my life. Her husband, like myself, was pastor of a church in Hingham, and whenever his finances grew low, or there was need of a fund for some special purpose--conditions that usually exist in a small church--his brilliant wife came to his assistance and raised the money, while her husband retired modestly to the background and regarded her with adoring eyes. On one of these occasions, I remember, when she entered the pulpit to preach her sermon, she dropped her bon- n et and coat on an unoccupied chair. A little later there was need of this chair, and Mr. Livermore, who sat under the pulpit, leaned forward, picked up the garments, and, without the least trace of self- c onsciousness, held them in his lap throughout the sermon. One of the members of the church, who appeared to be irritated by the incident, later spoke of it to him and added, sardonically, ``How does it feel to be merely `Mrs. Livermore's husband'?''

In reply Mr. Livermore flashed on him one of his charming smiles. ``Why, I'm very proud of it,'' h e said, with the utmost cheerfulness. ``You see, I'm the only man in the world who has that dis- t inction.''

They were a charming couple, the Livermores, and they deserved far more than they received from a world to which they gave so freely and so richly.

To me, as to others, they were more than kind; and I never recall them without a deep feeling of grati- t ude and an equally deep sense of loss in their passing.

It was during this period, also, that I met Frances E. Willard. There was a great Moody revival in progress in Boston, and Miss Willard was the right- h and assistant of Mr. Moody. To her that revival must have been marked with a star, for during it she met for the first time Miss Anna Gordon, who became her life-long friend and her biographer.

The meetings also laid the foundation of our friend- s hip, and for many years Miss Willard and I were closely associated in work and affection.

On the second or third night of the revival, dur- i ng one of the ``mixed meetings,'' attended by both women and men, Mr. Moody invited those who were willing to talk to sinners to come to the front. I w ent down the aisle with others, and found a seat near Miss Willard, to whom I was then introduced by some one who knew us both. I wore my hair short in those days, and I had a little fur cap on my head. Though I had been preaching for several years, I looked absurdly young--far too young, it soon became evident, to interest Mr. Moody. He was already moving about among the men and women who had responded to his invitation, and one by one he invited them to speak, passing me each time until at last I was left alone. Then he took pity on me and came to my side to whisper kindly that I had misunderstood his invitation.

He did not want young girls to talk to his people, he said, but mature women with worldly experi- e nce. He advised me to go home to my mother, adding, to soften the blow, that some time in the future when there were young girls at the meeting I could come and talk to them.