第50章 CHAPTER XII SUNSHINE AND SHADOW(4)

"I couldn't. The full horror of it burst upon me. I saw the thing in its true and hideous proportions, and it revolted me.""It must have been so," she approved him.

"I told my foster-father; but I met with neither sympathy nor understanding. He renewed his old-time arguments, and again he seemed to prove to me that did I fail I should be false to my duty and to my mother's memory - a weakling, a thing of shame.""The monster! Oh, the monster! He is an evil man for all that you have said of him.""Not so. There is no nobler gentleman in all the world. Iwho know him, know that. It is through the very nobility of it that this warp has come into his nature. Sane in all things else, he is - I see it now, I understand it at last -insane on this one subject. Much brooding has made him mad upon this matter - a fanatic whose gospel is Vengeance, and, like all fanatics, he is harsh and intolerant when resisted on the point of his fanaticism. This is something I have come to realize in these past days, when I lay with naught else to do but ponder.

"In all things else he sees as deep and clear as any man; in this his vision is distorted. He has looked at nothing else for thirty years; can you wonder that his sight is blurred?""He is to be pitied then," she said, "deeply to be pitied.""True. And because I pitied him, because I valued his regard -however mistaken he might be - above all else, I was hesitating again - this time between my duty to myself and my duty to him. I was so hesitating - though I scarce can doubt which had prevailed in the end - when came this sword-thrust so very opportunely to put me out of case of doing one thing or the other.""But now that you are well again?" she asked.

"Now that I am well again - I thank Heaven that it will be too late. The opportunity that was ours is lost. His - my father should now be beyond our power."There ensued a spell of silence. He sat with eyes averted from her face - those eyes which she had never known other than whimsical and mocking, now full of gloom and pain -riveted upon the glare of sunshine on the pond out yonder. Agreat sympathy welled up from her heart for this man whom she was still far from understanding, and who, nevertheless -because of it, perhaps, for there is much fascination in that which puzzles - was already growing very dear to her. The story he had told her drew her infinitely closer to him, softening her heart for him even more perhaps than it had already been softened when she had seen him - as she had thought - upon the point of dying. A wonder flitted through her mind as to why he had told her; then another question surged. She gave it tongue.

"You have told me so much, Mr. Caryll," she said, "that I am emboldened to ask something more." His eyes invited her to put her question. "Your - your father? Was he related to Lord Ostermore?"Not a muscle of his face moved. "Why that?" he asked.

"Because your name is Caryll," said she.

"My name?" he laughed softly and bitterly. "My name?" He reached for an ebony cane that stood beside his chair. "I had thought you understood." He heaved himself to his feet, and she forgot to caution him against exertion. "I have no right to any name," he told her. "My father was a man too full of worldly affairs to think of trifles. And so it befell that before he went his ways he forgot to marry the poor lady who was my mother. I might take what name I chose. I chose Caryll. But you will understand, Mistress Winthrop," and he looked her fully in the face, attempting in vain to dissemble the agony in his eyes - he who a little while ago had been almost happy - "that if ever it should happen that I should come to love a woman who is worthy of being loved, I who am nameless have no name to offer her."Revelation illumined her mind as in a flash. She looked at him.

"Was - was that what you meant, that day we thought you dying, when you said to me - for it was to me you spoke, to me alone - that it was better so?"He inclined his head. "That is what I meant," he answered.

Her lids drooped; her cheeks were very white, and he remarked the swift, agitated surge of her bosom, the fingers that were plucking at one another in her lap. Without looking up, she spoke again. "If you had the love to offer, what would the rest matter? What is a name that it should weigh so much?""Heyday!" He sighed, and smiled very wistfully. "You are young, child. In time you will understand what place the world assigns to such men as I. It is a place I could ask no woman to share. Such as I am, could I speak of love to any woman?""Yet you spoke of love once to me," she reminded him, scarcely above her breath, and stabbed him with the recollection.

"In an hour of moonshine, an hour of madness, when I was a reckless fool that must give tongue to every impulse. You reproved me then in just the terms my case deserved.

Hortensia," he bent towards her, leaning on his cane, "'tis very sweet and merciful in you to recall it without reproach.

Recall it no more, save to think with scorn of the fleering coxcomb who was so lost to the respect that is due to so sweet a lady. I have told you so much of myself to-day that you may""Decidedly," came a shrill, ironical voice from the arbor's entrance, "I may congratulate you, sir, upon the prodigious strides of your recovery."Mr. Caryll straightened himself from his stooping posture, turned and made Lady Ostermore a bow, his whole manner changed again to that which was habitual to him. "And no less decidedly, my lady," said he with a tight-lipped smile, "may Icongratulate your ladyship's son upon that happy circumstance, which is - as I have learned - so greatly due to the steps your ladyship took - for which I shall be ever grateful - to ensure that I should be made whole again."