第81章

CLUB SNOBS

Every well-bred English female will sympathize with the subject of the harrowing tale, the history of Sackville Maine, I am now about to recount.The pleasures of Clubs have been spoken of: let us now glance for a moment at the dangers of those institutions, and for this purpose Imust introduce you to my young acquaintance, Sackville Maine.

It was at a ball at the house of my respected friend, Mrs.Perkins, that I was introduced to this gentleman and his charming lady.Seeing a young creature before me in a white dress, with white satin shoes; with a pink ribbon, about a yard in breadth, flaming out as she twirled in a polka in the arms of Monsieur de Springbock, the German diplomatist; with a green wreath on her head, and the blackest hair this individual set eyes on--seeing, I say, before me a charming young woman whisking beautifully in a beautiful dance, and presenting, as she wound and wound round the room, now a full face, then a three-quarter face, then a profile--a face, in fine, which in every way you saw it, looked pretty, and rosy, and happy, I felt (as I trust) a not unbecoming curiosity regarding the owner of this pleasant countenance, and asked Wagley (who was standing by, in conversation with an acquaintance) who was the lady in question?

'Which?' says Wagley.

'That one with the coal-black eyes,' I replied.

'Hush!' says he; and the gentleman with whom he was talking moved off, with rather a discomfited air.

When he was gone Wagley burst out laughing.'COAL-BLACKeyes!' said he; 'you've just hit it.That's Mrs.

Sackville Maine, and that was her husband who just went away.He's a coal-merchant, Snob my boy, and I have no doubt Mr.Perkins's Wallsends are supplied from his wharf.He is in a flaming furnace when he hears coals mentioned.He and his wife and his mother are very proud of Mrs.Sackville's family; she was a Miss Chuff, daughter of Captain Chuff, R.N.That is the widow; that stout woman in crimson tabinet, battling about the odd trick with old Mr.Dumps, at the card-table.'

And so, in fact, it was.Sackville Maine (whose name is a hundred times more elegant, surely, than that of Chuff)was blest with a pretty wife, and a genteel mother-in-law, both of whom some people may envy him.

Soon after his marriage the old lady was good enough to come and pay him a visit--just for a fortnight--at his pretty little cottage, Kennington Oval; and, such is her affection for the place, has never quitted it these four years.She has also brought her son, Nelson Collingwood Chuff, to live with her; but he is not so much at home as his mamma, going as a day-boy to Merchant Taylors'

School, where he is getting a sound classical education.

If these beings, so closely allied to his wife, and so justly dear to her, may be considered as drawbacks to Maine's happiness, what man is there that has not some things in life to complain of? And when I first knew Mr.

Maine, no man seemed more comfortable than he.His cottage was a picture of elegance and comfort; his table and cellar were excellently and neatly supplied.There was every enjoyment, but no ostentation.The omnibus took him to business of a morning; the boat brought him back to the happiest of homes, where he would while away the long evenings by reading out the fashionable novels to the ladies as they worked; or accompany his wife on the flute (which he played elegantly); or in any one of the hundred pleasing and innocent amusements of the domestic circle.Mrs.Chuff covered the drawing-rooms with prodigious tapestries, the work of her hands.Mrs.

Sackville had a particular genius for making covers of tape or network for these tapestried cushions.She could make home-made wines.She could make preserves and pickles.She had an album, into which, during the time of his courtship, Sackville Maine bad written choice scraps of Byron's and Moore's poetry, analogous to his own situation, and in a fine mercantile hand.She had a large manuscript receipt-book--every quality, in a word, which indicated a virtuous and well-bred English female mind.