第64章

Just as we had concluded the above remarks comes a pretty little note sealed with a pretty little butterfly--bearing a northern postmark--and to the following effect:-'19th November.

'Mr.Punch,--'Taking great interest in your Snob Papers, we are very anxious to know under what class of that respectable fraternity you would designate us.

'We are three sisters, from seventeen to twenty-two.Our father is HONESTLY AND TRULY of a very good family (you will say it is Snobbish to mention that, but I wish to state the plain fact); our maternal grandfather was an Earl.' (1)'We CAN afford to take in a stamped edition of YOU, and all Dickens' works as fast as they come out, but we do NOT keep such a thing as a PEERAGE or even a BARONETAGEin the house.

'We live with every comfort, excellent cellar, &c.&c.;but as we cannot well afford a butler, we have a neat table-maid (though our father was a military man, has travelled much, been in the best society, &c.) We HAVE a coachman and helper, but we don't put the latter into buttons, nor make them wait at table, like Stripes and Tummus.' (2)'We are just the same to persons with a handle to their name as to those without it.We wear a moderate modicum of crinoline, (3)and are never limp (4) in the morning.

We have good and abundant dinners on CHINA (though we have plate (5), and just as good when alone as with company.

'Now, my dear MR.PUNCH, will you PLEASE give us a short answer in your next number, and I will be SO much obliged to you.Nobody knows we are writing to you, not even our father; nor will we ever tease (6) you again if you will only give us an answer--just for FUN, now do!

'If you get as far as this, which is doubtful, you will probably fling it into the fire.If you do, I cannot help it; but I am of a sanguine disposition, and entertain a lingering hope.At all events, I shall be impatient for next Sunday, for you reach us on that day, and I am ashamed to confess, we CANNOT resist opening you in the carriage driving home from church.(7)'I remain, &c.&c., for myself and sisters.

Excuse this scrawl, but I always write headlong.(8)'P.S.--You were rather stupid last week, don't you think? (9) We keep no gamekeeper, and yet have always abundant game for friends to shoot, in spite of the poachers.We never write on perfumed paper--in short, Ican't help thinking that if you knew us you would not think us Snobs.'

To this I reply in the following manner:--'My dear young ladies, I know your post-town: and shall be at church there the Sunday AFTER next; when, will you please to wear a tulip or some little trifle in your bonnets, so that I may know you? You will recognize me and my dress--a quiet-looking young fellow, in a white top-coat, a crimson satin neckcloth, light blue trousers, with glossy tipped boots, and an emerald breast-pin.I shall have a black crape round my white hat; and my usual bamboo cane with the richly-gilt knob.I am sorry there will be no time to get up moustaches between now and next week.

'From seventeen to two-and-twenty! Ye gods! what ages!

Dear young creatures, I can see you all three.Seventeen suits me, as nearest my own time of life; but mind, Idon't say two-and-twenty is too old.No, no.And that pretty, roguish, demure, middle one.Peace, peace, thou silly little fluttering heart!

'YOU Snobs, dear young ladies! I will pull any man's nose who says so.There is no harm in being of a good family.You can't help it, poor dears.What's in a name? What is in a handle to it? I confess openly that I should not object to being a Duke myself; and between ourselves you might see a worse leg for a garter.

'YOU Snobs, dear little good-natured things, no that is, I hope not--I think not--I won't be too confident--none of us should be--that we are not Snobs.That very confidence savours of arrogance, and to be arrogant is to be a Snob.In all the social gradations from sneak to tyrant, nature has placed a most wondrous and various progeny of Snobs.But are there no kindly natures, no tender hearts, no souls humble, simple, and truth-loving?

Ponder well on this question, sweet young ladies.And if you can answer it, as no doubt you can--lucky are you--and lucky the respected Herr Papa, and lucky the three handsome young gentlemen who are about to become each others' brothers-in-law.'

(1) The introduction of Grandpapa, is I fear, Snobbish.

(2) That is, as you like.I don't object to buttons in moderation.

(3) Quite right.

(4) Bless you!

(5) Snobbish; and I doubt whether you ought to dine as well alone as with company.You will be getting too good dinners.

(6) We like to be teased; but tell Papa.

(7) O garters and stars! what will Captain Gordon and Exeter Hall say to this?

(8) Dear little enthusiast!

(9) You were never more mistaken, miss, in your life.