第116章

The good old moral must be _my_ moral: "Be content with such things as ye have."March 15.--It is eight in the morning--and I hardly know how to employ myself.Having finished my coffee, I have just looked again at my diary.

It strikes me that I am falling into a bad habit of writing too much about myself.The custom of keeping a journal certainly has this drawback--it encourages egotism.Well, the remedy is easy.

From this date, I lock up my book--only to open it again when some event has happened which has a claim to be recorded for its own sake.As for myself and my feelings, they have made their last appearance in these pages.

Seventh Extract.

June 7.--The occasion for opening my diary once more has presented itself this morning.

News has reached me of Romayne, which is too important to be passed over without notice.He has been appointed one of the Pope's Chamberlains.It is also reported, on good authority, that he will be attached to a Papal embassy when a vacancy occurs.

These honors, present and to come, seem to remove him further than ever from the possibility of a return to his wife and child.

June 8.--In regard to Romayne, Mrs.Eyrecourt seems to be of my opinion.

Being in Paris to-day, at a morning concert, she there met with her old friend, Doctor Wybrow.The famous physician is suffering from overwork, and is on his way to Italy for a few months of rest and recreation.They took a drive together, after the performance, in the Bois de Boulogne; and Mrs.Eyrecourt opened her mind to the doctor, as freely as usual, on the subject of Stella and the child.He entirely agreed (speaking in the future interests of the boy) that precious time has been lost in informing Romayne of the birth of an heir; and he has promised, no matter what obstacles may be placed in his way, to make the announcement himself, when he reaches Rome.

June 9.--Madame Villeray has been speaking to me confidentially on a very delicate subject.

I am pledged to discontinue writing about myself.But in these private pages I may note the substance of what my good friend said to me.If I only look back often enough at this little record, I may gather the resolution to profit by her advice.In brief, these were her words:

"Stella has spoken to me in confidence, since she met you accidentally in the garden yesterday.She cannot be guilty of the poor affectation of concealing what you must have already discovered for yourself.But she prefers to say the words that must be said to you, through me.Her husband's conduct to her is an outrage that she can never forget.She now looks back with sentiments of repulsion, which she dare not describe, to that 'love at first sight' (as you call it in England), conceived on the day when they first met--and she remembers regretfully that other love, of years since, which was love of steadier and slower growth.To her shame she confesses that she failed to set you the example of duty and self-restraint when you two happened to be alone yesterday.She leaves it to my discretion to tell you that you must see her for the future, always in the presence of some other person.Make no reference to this when you next meet; and understand that she has only spoken to me instead of to her mother, because she fears that Mrs.Eyrecourt might use harsh words, and distress you again, as she once distressed you in England.If you will take my advice, you will ask permission to go away again on your travels."It matters nothing what I said in reply.Let me only relate that we were interrupted by the appearance of the nursemaid at the pavilion door.

She led the child by the hand.Among his first efforts at speaking, under his mother's instruction, had been the effort to call me Uncle Bernard.He had now got as far as the first syllable of my Christian name, and he had come to me to repeat his lesson.Resting his little hands on my knees, he looked up at me with his mother's eyes, and said, "Uncle Ber'." A trifling incident, but, at that moment, it cut me to the heart.I could only take the boy in my arms, and look at Madame Villeray.The good woman felt for me.I saw tears in her eyes.

No! no more writing about myself.I close the book again.

Eighth Extract.

July 3.--A letter has reached Mrs.Eyrecourt this morning, from Doctor Wybrow.It is dated, "Castel Gandolpho, near Rome." Here the doctor is established during the hot months--and here he has seen Romayne, in attendance on the "Holy Father," in the famous summer palace of the Popes.How he obtained the interview Mrs.

Eyrecourt is not informed.To a man of his celebrity, doors are no doubt opened which remain closed to persons less widely known.

"I have performed my promise," he writes "and I may say for myself that I spoke with every needful precaution.The result a little startled me.Romayne was not merely unprepared to hear of the birth of his child--he was physically and morally incapable of sustaining the shock of the disclosure.For the moment, Ithought he had been seized with a fit of catalepsy.He moved, however, when I tried to take his hand to feel the pulse--shrinking back in his chair, and feebly signing to me to leave him.I committed him to the care of his servant.The next day I received a letter from one of his priestly colleagues, informing me that he was slowly recovering after the shock that Ihad inflicted, and requesting me to hold no further communication with him, either personally or by letter.I wish I could have sent you a more favorable report of my interference in this painful matter.Perhaps you or your daughter may hear from him."July 4-9.--No letter has been received.Mrs.Eyrecourt is uneasy.

Stella, on the contrary, seems to be relieved.

July 10.--A letter has arrived from London, addressed to Stella by Romayne's English lawyers.The income which Mrs.Romayne has refused for herself is to be legally settled on her child.

Technical particulars follow, which it is needless to repeat here.