第97章

All that was healthy and normal in Joan broke into revolt.There was something erotic, uncanny about all this.Life or death? What was he talking about? Her pride, too, which had never been put to such a test, was up in arms against the unfairness and cunning of the way in which she had been taken advantage of.She had meant to be kind and pay something of her debt to this man, and it was a vulgar trap, whatever he said in excuse.Let him dare to touch her.

Let him dare.She would show him how strong she was and put up such a fight as would amaze him.Just now she had placed herself among those old people and old trees, because she had suffered.But she was young, tingling with youth, and her slate was clean, notwithstanding the fool game that she had played, and she would keep it clean, if she had to fight her way out.

She took up her stand behind the table, alert and watchful.

"I don't get you when you go in for melodrama," she said."I much prefer your usual way of talking.Translate for me." She spoke scornfully because hitherto she had been able to turn him off by scorn.

But it didn't work this time.It was not anger that came into his eyes, only an unexpected and disconcerting reproach.He made no attempt to go near her.He looked extraordinarily patient and gentle.She had never seen him like this before."Don't stand there," he said."Come and sit down and let's go into this sensibly, like people who have emerged from stupidity.In any case you are not going back to Easthampton to-night."She began to be frightened."Not going back to Easthampton?""No, my dear."

She left her place behind the table and went up to him.Had all the world gone wrong? Had her foolishness been so colossal that she was to be broken twice on the same day? "Gilbert," she said."What is it? What do you mean? Why do you say these odd things in this queer way? You're--you're frightening me, Gilbert."Young? She was a child as she stood there with her lovely face upturned.It was torture to keep his hands off her and not take her lips.But he did nothing.He stood steady and waited for his brain to clear."Odd things in a queer way? Is that how I strike you?""Yes.I've never seen you in this mood before.If you've brought me here to make me say I'm sorry, I will, because I am sorry.I'd do anything to have all these days over again--every one since Iclimbed out of my old bedroom window.If you said hard things to me all night I should deserve them all and I'll pay you what I can of my debt, but don't ask me to pay too much.I trusted you by coming here alone.Don't go back on me, Gilbert."He touched her cheek and drew his hand away.

"But I haven't brought you here to make you humble yourself," he said."There's nothing small in this.What you've done to me has left its marks, of course, deep marks.I don't think you ever really understood the sort of love mine is.But the hour has gone by for apologies and arguments and regrets.I'm standing on the very edge of things.I'm just keeping my balance on the lip of eternity.It's for you to draw me back or go tumbling over with me.That's why you're here.I told you that.Are you really so young that you don't understand?""I'm a kid, I'm a kid," she cried out, going back to her old excuse.

"That's the trouble."

"Then I'll put it into plain words," he said, with the same appalling composure."I've had these things in my mind to say to you for hours.I can repeat them like a parrot.If the sort of unimaginative people who measure everybody by themselves were to hear what I'm going to say, I suppose they would think I'm insane.

But you won't.You have imagination.You've seen me in every stage of what I call the Great Emotion.But you've not treated me well, Joan, or taken me seriously, and this is the one serious thing of my life."He was still under control, although his voice had begun to shake and his hands to tremble.She could do nothing but wait for him to go on.The crickets and the frogs filled in the short silence.

"And now it's come to this.I can be played with no longer.I can't wait for you any more.Either you love me, or you don't.If you do, you must be as serious as I am, tear up your roots such as they are and come away with me.Your husband, who counts for as little as my wife, will set the law in action.So will Alice.We will wander among any places that take your fancy until we can be married and then if you want to come back, we will.But if you don't and won't love me, I can't live and see you love any other man.I look upon you as mine.I created you for myself ten years ago.Not being able to live without you, I am not made of the stuff to leave you behind me.I shall take you and if there's another life on the other side, live it with you.If not, then we'll snuff out together.Like all great lovers, I'm selfish, you see.That's what I meant when Italked just now about choice."

He moved away, quietly, and piled several cushions into a corner of one of the pews.The look of exaltation was on his face again.