第2章 无敌腹黑(2)

15 To Bury the Goldfish

Little Cathy was in the garden filling in a hole when her neighbor peered over the fence.Interested in what the cheeky‐faced youngster was doing，he politely asked，"What are you up to there，Cathy？"

"My goldfish died，"replied Cathy tearfully，without looking up，"and I've just buried him."

The neighbor was concerned，"That's an big hole for a goldfish，isn't it？"

Cathy patted down the last heap of earth and then replied."That's because he's inside your cat."

埋金鱼

小凯西在花园里铲土填坑，邻居在篱笆外看到了。邻居不知道这个神情沮丧的小女孩在做什么，就关切地问：“凯西，你在那儿做什么呀？”

“我的小金鱼死了，”凯西低头哭着回答，“我刚刚把金鱼给埋了。”

邻居关心地问：“就埋一条小金鱼挖那么大的坑？”

凯西拍了拍最后一撮土回答说：“那是因为小金鱼在你们家那只猫的肚子里。”

16 Perfect Project

My friend Debbie was enrolled in a flower‐arranging class.Although she enjoyed the course，Debbie was miffed when week after week the instructor criticized and redid her careful arrangements.

After the final lesson，though，Debbie came home triumphant."The teacher didn't lay a finger on my project tonight！"she announced to her husband.

"Congratulations！"her spouse replied，"It must have been perfect."

"It was，"Debbie said，smiling modestly，"I made it with thistles."

完美设计

朋友黛比到一个插花班上课。尽管她喜欢这门课，但当指导老师一周又一周地批评她并把她精心插好的花重整一遍时，她有点儿生气。

而上过最后一次课后，黛比得意洋洋地回到了家里。“老师今晚对我的设计一根指头也没动！”她对丈夫大声说道。

“恭喜恭喜！”她的丈夫回答说，“那一定是非常完美。”

“是这样，”黛比面带微笑谦虚地说，“我做的是带刺的。”

17 Two Hundred Times

In the traffic court of a large mid‐western city，a young lady was brought before the judge to answer a ticket given her for driving through a red light.She explained to his honor that she was a school teacher and requested an immediate disposal of her case in order that she might hasten on to her classes.A wild gleam came into the judge's eye."You are a school teacher，eh？"said he，"Madam，I shall realize my lifelong ambition.Sit down at that table and write'I went through a red light'two hundred times."

两百遍

在中西部一个大城市的交通法庭上，一位女士因开车闯红灯被带到法官面前受审。女士解释说自己是老师并请求法官快一点结案，自己还得赶回去上课。突然，法官的眼神流露出狂喜。“你是老师啊？”法官问，“这位女士，我可以实现毕生的抱负了。坐到那张桌子后面，把'我闯了红灯'几个字写上两百遍。”

18 Who on earth Lost

Jonathan likes gambling very much.Once he gambled with his boss，saying，"A mole is on your chest，if you don't believe it.Let's bet $500 on it."

The boss said seriously，"Give me your money."Saying that，he took off his clothes，as a matter of fact，nothing was on his chest.The boss got the money happily.He told one of his colleagues that he beat Jonathan in gambling.

His colleague got angry，saying，"Stop it.He gambled with me，he said he could make you take off your clothes in five minutes.And the price was $1000."

到底谁输了

乔纳森非常喜欢打赌。一次他和他的上司赌了起来：“你胸前有一块胎记，不信我们赌500块钱。”

上司非常严肃地说：“把钱拿出来吧，你输了！”说着他脱下了衣服。他的身上真的什么也没有。上司得意地收了钱，然后他跟一位同事说他和乔纳森打赌赢了。同事非常丧气地说：“别提了，他刚才跟我打赌，他说他能在五分钟内让你脱下衣服，赌现金1 000块。”

19 The Eager Beaver

Bill was a new employee at the insurance office，but in a short time all his fellow workers began to complain about him.

"He's an eager beaver."protested one worker，"He does so much work that it makes all of us look bad."

"What's he trying to do？"wailed another employee，"Get a promotion？"

Three weeks later Bill was called into the office of the personnel manager.

"Bill，you're a good worker，but I have had news for you."

announced the manager，"We'll have to lay you off."

"Why？I don't understand.I do more work than all the staff put together."

"That's the trouble."

"The staff has nothing to worry about.I'm not going to take away their jobs."

"I'm not worried about their jobs.I'm worried about mine."

工作狂

比尔是一家保险公司的新雇员，但是很短一段时间后，他的同事们都开始抱怨他。

“他是一个工作狂。”一位职员抗议道，“他做了太多的事情，使得我们其他所有人都显得工作不够多。”

“他到底想干什么？”另一个雇员附和道，“想升职吗？”

三周之后，比尔被人事经理叫到办公室。

“比尔，你是一名好员工。但是，我有一个坏消息要告诉你，”经理对他说，“我们必须解雇你。”

“为什么？我不明白，我做的工作比其他所有员工加起来做的都多。”

“这正是问题所在。”

“同事们不用担忧，我不会抢走他们的工作。”

“我不担心你抢走他们的工作，我担心你抢走我的饭碗。”

20 Two Soldiers

Two soldiers were in camp.The first one's name was Cody，and the second one's name was Dick.

Cody said，"Have you got a piece of paper and an envelope， Dick？"

Dick said，"Yes，I have."And he gave them to him.

Then Cody said，"Now I haven't got a pen."

Dick gave him his，and Cody wrote his letter.Then he put it in the envelope and said，"Have you got a stamp，Dick？"Dick gave him one.

Then Dick got up and went to the door，so Cody said to him，"Are you going out？"

Dick said，"Yes，I am."And he opened the door.

Cody said，"Please put my letter in the box in the office，and..."He stopped.

"What do you want now？"Dick said to him.

Cody looked at the envelope of his letter and answered，"What's your girlfriend's address？"

两个士兵

两个士兵在军营里，一个叫科迪，另一个叫狄克。

科迪说：“狄克，你有纸和信封吗？”

狄克说：“有。”然后他把纸和信封递给了科迪。

科迪又说：“我现在没有笔。”

狄克把自己的笔给了科迪，科迪开始写信，然后将信装进信封里，说：“狄克，你有邮票吗？”狄克递给科迪一张邮票。

狄克站起身，向门外走去，科迪问他：“你要出去吗？”

狄克说：“是的，我要出去。”然后推开了门。

科迪说：“请帮我把信投到邮筒里，然后……”他欲言又止。

狄克对他说：“你现在又想让我为你做什么？”

科迪看着信封，回答道：“你女朋友的地址是什么？”

21 Fishing with a Mirror

A man saw a fisherman standing in a lake with a mirror.

"Excuse me，"he said，"but could you tell me what you're doing？"

"I'm fishing."

"With a mirror？"the man asked.

"Sure~it's a new invention.I'm going to make a fortune."

"Could you tell me how it works？"

"Okay，but it'll cost you ten dollars."

The man was so curious that he handed the fisherman the money."Now show me how it works."he said.

"Well，"the fisherman began，"you aim the mirror into the water，and when a fish goes by，you startle him with rays of light reflected from the mirror.The fish gets confused and then you grab him."

The man was shocked，"You can't mean to tell me that's how you fish.It's ridiculous！ How many have you caught？"

"You're the sixth today！"replied the fisherman.

用镜子钓鱼

一个人看到一个渔夫拿着镜子站在湖里。“对不起，”他说，“你能告诉我你在做什么吗？”

“我在钓鱼。”

“用镜子钓鱼？”这个人问道。

“当然--这是一项新发明。我打算发大财。”

“你能告诉我镜子是怎样钓鱼的吗？”

“行，但这要花费你10美元。”

这人非常好奇，就把钱递给了渔夫。“现在告诉我镜子是怎样钓鱼的。”他说。

“好，”渔夫开口说道，“你把镜子对着水照。当鱼游过时，镜子反射的光会使它大吃一惊。趁它困惑时，你就一把抓住它。”

这人大为震惊：“你该不会告诉我，你就是这样钓鱼的吧。真荒唐！你已经钓了多少条？”