第53章

'And do you think，sir，that the mission of a gentleman is to bring about spiritual changes in courtesans？Do you imagine that God has given life so grotesque a purpose，and that a man's heart must have no other zeal than this？How will this miraculous cure end？And what will you make of what you're saying now，when you're forty？You'll laugh at this affair，if you are still able to laugh，if，that is，it hasn't left an indelible mark on your past.Where would you be now if your father had thought as you do，if he'd surrendered his life to the enticements of love instead of setting it unshakeably upon a belief in honour and integrity？Think，Armand，and stop talking nonsense.Come，you shall leave this woman.Your father begs you to.'

I made no reply.

'Armand，'continued my father，'in the name of your saintly mother，listen to me：give up this way of life.You will forget it far more quickly than you think and，in any case，you are kept chained to it by a philosophy which is quite absurd.You are twenty-four：think of the future.You won't always be in love with this woman，nor will she love you forever.You have both exaggerated what you feel for each other.You're shutting all the doors to a career.Take one more step，and you'll never be able to get off the path you're on，and you'll regret your misspent youth for the rest of your life.Leave now.Come and stay for a month or two with your sister.Rest and devoted family love will soon cure you of this infatuation，for it is nothing else.'

'Meanwhile，your mistress will get over it.She'll take another lover and then，when you see what kind of person almost made you quarrel with your father and forfeit his affection，you will say I was quite right to come and fetch you，and you will bless me for having done so.'

'So you will come away，won't you，Armand？'

I felt that my father was right about women in general，but I was convinced that he was wrong about Marguerite.However，he spoke these last words so gently，so beseechingly，that I dared not answer.

'Well？'he said，in a voice heavy with emotion.

'Look，father，I can't promise anything，'I said at length.'What you are asking is more than I can do.Please believe me，'I continued，seeing him stir impatiently，'you're making too much of the consequences of this affair.Marguerite isn't the kind of girl you think she is.Far from setting me on the wrong road，this love of ours，on the contrary，has the power to nurture the finest sentiments in me.True love always makes a man finer，whatever sort of woman inspires it.If you knew Marguerite，you'd see that there's no risk to me.She is as noble as the noblest women.She is as disinterested as the others are grasping.'

'Though that hasn't stopped her pocketing all your money，for the sixty thousand francs your mother left you，which you want to give her，represents-and take note of what I'm saying-all the money you have.'

In all likelihood，my father had kept this peroration as a threat intended to undermine my last defences.

I felt stronger against his threats than against his entreaties.

'Who told you that I was to make the money over to her？'I went on.

'My solicitor.Would any honourable man have drawn up a deed of that kind without letting me know first？Well，it was to prevent you beggaring yourself for the benefit of some loose woman that brought me to Paris.When your mother died，she left you enough to live on decently，but not enough for you to go giving it away to your mistresses.'

'I swear to you，father，Marguerite knew nothing of this deed of gift.'

'Why did you have it drawn up，then？'

'Because Marguerite，the woman you've slandered and want me to give up，has sacrificed everything she owns to live with me.'

'And you have accepted this sacrifice？What sort of man are you，sir，that you will allow a Mademoiselle Marguerite Gautier to make sacrifices for you？But，enough.You will leave this woman.A little while ago，I asked you to；now，I order you to.I will not have such obscenities in my family.Pack your trunks and get ready to come with me.'

'Forgive me，father，'I said，'but I shall not leave here.'

'Why not？'

'Because I am now at an age when I don't have to obey orders any more.'

At this，my father turned pale.

'Very well，sir，'he went on，'I am clear in my mind what remains to be done.'

He rang.

Joseph appeared.

'Have my trunks sent round to the Hotel de Paris，'he told my servant.And with these words，he went into his bedroom where he finished dressing.

When he emerged，I went up to him.

'Will you promise me，father，'I said，'that you won't do anything to distress Marguerite？'

My father paused，gave me a look of contempt，and merely said：

'I do believe you've taken leave of your senses.'

Thereupon，he stormed out，slamming the door violently behind him.

Then I too left，took a cab and set off for Bougival.

Marguerite was waiting for me at the window.