第25章

'Listen，Marguerite，let me tell you something which other men have no doubt told you often，something which the habit of hearing will perhaps prevent you from believing，though it is nonetheless real，something which I shall never say to you again.'

'And this something……？'she said，with a smile such as young mothers smile when listening to their child being silly.

'……is this.From the moment I first saw you，I don't know how or why，you have occupied a place in my life.Though I've tried to drive your image out of my mind，it has always come back.Today，when I met you after two years without seeing you，you took an even stronger hold on my heart and my thoughts.Now you have received me here，now I know you and can see everything that is strange in you，the truth is that you've become indispensable to me，and I shall go out of my mind，not simply if you do not love me，but if you do not let me love you.'

'But，you wretched man，I shall say to you what Madame D used to say：you just be very rich，then！You clearly have no idea that I spend six or seven thousands francs a month，and that spending this much has become necessary for my way of life；can't you see，you poor fool，that I'd ruin you in no time at all？that you family would have you declared unfit to manage your affairs to teach you not to live with creatures like me？Love me，like a good friend，but not otherwise.Come and see me，we'll laugh，we'll talk，but don't go getting ideas about my merits：they are very small.You have a kind heart，you need to be loved，you are too young and too sensitive to live in our world.Find yourself some married woman.You can see I'm a decent sort of girl，and I'm being frank with you.'

'Hello！What on earth are you pair up to？'cried Prudence，whom we had not heard coming，as she appeared at the bedroom door，her hair half undone and her dress open.In her disordered appearance，I recognized Gaston's handiwork.

'We're having a serious talk，'said Marguerite，'leave us for a while，we'll rejoin you shortly.'

'All right，all right，talk away，my children，'said Prudence，and she left，closing the door as if to reinforce the tone in which she had spoken these last words.

'So it's agreed，'Marguerite went on，when we were alone，'you will stop loving me.'

'I shall go away.'

'It's as bad as that？'

I had gone too far to turn back，and besides，this girl overwhelmed me.Her mixture of high spirits，sadness，ingenuousness and prostitution，the very illness which as surely heightened her sensitivity to impressions as it did her nervous reactions-everything made me see that if，from the outset，I did not gain some hold over her heedless，fickle nature，then she would be lost to me forever.

'So what you are saying is quite serious？'she said.

'Very serious.'

'But why didn't you tell me all this before？'

'When could I have told you？'

'The day after you were introduced to me at the Opera-Comique.'

'I think you'd have received me very badly if I had come to see you.'

'Why？'

'Because I had behaved stupidly the previous evening.'

'Yes，that's true.But all the same，you were already in love with me then.'

'Yes.'

'None of which prevented you from going home to bed and sleeping very soundly after the play.We all know about great loves of that sort.'

'Now that's where you're wrong.Do you know what I did that evening we met at the Opera-Comique？'

'No.'

'I waited for you outside the entrance to the Cafe Anglais.I followed the carriage which brought you and your friends back here and，when I saw you get out by yourself and go up to your apartment alone，I was very happy.'

Marguerite began to laugh.

'What are you laughing at？'

'Nothing.'

'Tell me，I beg you，or I shall think that you're laughing at me again.'

'You won't be cross？'

'I have no right to be cross.'

'Well，there was a good reason why I should return alone.'

'What was that？'

'There was someone waiting for me here.'

Had she stabbed me with a knife，she could not have hurt me more.I stood up and，offering my hand，said：

'Goodbye.'

'I knew you'd be cross，'she said.'Men have a mania for wanting to know things that will upset them.'

'But I assure you，'I added coldly，as though I had wanted to show that I was cured of my passion for ever，'I assure you that I am not cross.It was only natural that someone should have been waiting for you，as natural as it is that I should leave here at three in the morning.'

'Have you got someone waiting for you at home too？'

'No，but I must go.'

'Goodbye，then.'

'You are sending me away.'

'Not at all.'

'Then why do you say hurtful things？'

'What hurtful things？'

'You told me someone was waiting for you.'

'I couldn't help laughing at the thought of your being so happy to see me coming in by myself，when there was such a good reason for me to do so.'

'People often find happiness in foolish things.It is unkind to destroy their happiness when，simply by allowing it to continue，we can increase the joy of those who have discovered such happiness.'