第13章 别人其实是你的一面镜子

Others are Only Mirrors of You

佚名 / Anonymous

The first time you meet someone， in the first moment you form an impression in your mind of that person. Your reactions to other people， however， are really just barometers for how you perceive yourself. Your reactions to others say more about you than they do about others. You cannot really love or hate something about another person unless it reflects something you love or hate about yourself. We are usually drawn to those who are most like us and tend to dislike those who display those aspects of ourselves that we dislike.

Therefore， you can allow others to be the mirror to illuminate more clearly your own feelings of self-worth. Conversely， you can view the people you judge negatively as mirrors to show you what you are not accepting about yourself.

To coexist peacefully with others， you will need to learn tolerance. A big challenge is to shift your perspective radically from judgment of other to a lifelong exploration of yourself. Your task is to assess all the decisions， judgments you make onto others and to begin to view them as clues to how you can heal yourself and become whole.

I recently had a business lunch with a man who displayed objectionable table manners. My first reaction was to judge him as offensive and his table manners as disgusting. When I noticed that I was judging him， I stopped and asked myself what I was feeling. I discovered that I was embarrassed to be seen with someone who was chewing with his mouth open and loudly blowing his nose. I was astonished to find how much I cared about how the other people in the restaurant perceived me.

Remember that your judgment of someone will not serve as a protective shield against you becoming like him. Just because I judged my lunch partner as offensive does not prevent me from ever looking or acting like him. In the same way， extending tolerance to him would not cause me to suddenly begin chewing my food with my mouth open.

When you approach life in this manner， those with whom you have the greatest grievances as well as those you admire and love can be seen as mirrors， guiding you to discover parts of yourself that you reject and to embrace your greatest qualities.

第一次见到某人时，在第一瞬间，你的脑海里会形成一个印象。你对他人的反应，其实就像你如何看待自己的晴雨表，更多的是反映出你自己，而不是其他人。你不可能真正喜欢或讨厌他人的某个方面，除非它反射出你对自身某方面的喜好。通常，我们靠近与自己类似的人，而那些展示出我们自身某个不喜欢的方面的人，往往令我们讨厌。

所以，你以他人为镜，能更清楚地折射出你对自我价值的感受。反过来，对于你不认同的人，你也能以之为镜，显露出对自身不满意的方面。

要与他人和睦相处，你必须学会容忍。你要从根本上转变视角，不去评判别人，而是不断地反省自身，而这是一个巨大的挑战。你的任务是，以你对别人作出的所有的决定、评判为线索，来改进和完善自我。

最近，我与一位客户一起吃午饭，他吃饭的样子实在令我很反感。我的第一反应就是：他粗鲁无礼，吃饭的样子令人恶心。当我意识到自己正评判他时，便停下来，扪心自问是什么感受。被人看到与这么个张着嘴咀嚼、大声擤鼻涕的人在一起，我发现自己感到很难堪。我还发现自己很在乎餐馆里其他人对我的看法，这让我感到很惊讶。

记住，你对他人的评判并不意味着你就不会像他那样。比如，仅仅因为我评判那位客户粗鲁无礼，并不能保证我永远都不会有像他那样的行为。同样，如果我容忍他的行为，也并不会因此突然张嘴咀嚼。

假如你用这种方式走进生活，你就能同时以你最不满的人，和你最尊敬、最爱的人为镜，指引你发现自身的缺陷，同时欣赏自己的最佳品质。

记忆填空

1. Your reactions to people， however， are really just barometers for you perceive yourself. Your reactions to others say more about you than they do about others. You really love or hate something about another person it reflects something you love or hate about yourself.

2. Just I judged my lunch partner as offensive does not prevent me from ever looking or acting like him. In the way， extending tolerance to him would not me to suddenly begin chewing my food with my mouth .

佳句翻译

1. 所以，你以他人为镜，能更清楚地折射出你对自我价值的感受。

2. 你的任务是，以你对别人作出的所有的决定、评判为线索，来改进和完善自我。

3. 记住，你对他人的评判并不意味着你就不会像他那样。

短语应用

1. The first time you meet someone， in the first moment you form an impression in your mind of that person.

in the first moment：在第一时刻

2. Just because I judged my lunch partner as offensive does not prevent me from ever looking or acting like him.

prevent from：阻止；制止；妨碍